From my messy desk.

A confessional, of sorts.

2011-08-13T08:19:00.003-04:00

Forgive me Blogger, for I have sinned.

It has been 357 days since my last ~~confession~~ blog entry. (assuming my math is correct - and that is always questionable.)

Lots going on in my world this past year - a new job, a new province, a couple of temporary homes, major home renos on a soon to be new home... Not intentionally trying to avoid my loyal following of six readers but things just seemed to get in the way. Planning on catching up with you all soon

And isn't it ironic...dontcha think?

2010-08-21T22:45:00.000-04:00

Alanis Morisette knows what she's talking about.

I find it fairly ironic that I am currently reading this series because my 10 year old would like to read it when I was already reading Harold Robbins' and Sidney Sheldon's smut filled violence at the same age.

So far I've made it through Twighlight and New Moon and haven't been clutching my pearls in fear of what my daughter may glean from the pages. Seems pretty innocent to me so far (says the Harold Robins reading 10 year old.) Neither have I been enthralled with the story line or writing style. I asked Allie if she was really liking the books and she gave a sort "of ho-hum , they're all right" answer. Why then, am I patiently waiting to get my hands on the next book?!?! I guess I got sucked in and now NEED to know what happens to Bella, Edward and Jacob. I'm not on Team Edward or Team Jacob so I have no horse (or werewolf, as the case may be) in this race. I also heard the books get a little more risque as the series progresses so maybe I'm anxiously awaiting this but something tells me Stephenie Meyer probably didn't take notes from Robbins and Sheldon.

Three-Ten-Thirty-Thirty-Greco!

2010-04-05T15:18:00.002-04:00

I am lucky enough to be married in to a family that takes its pizza pretty seriously. So seriously that they own and operate a large number of "Greco" pizza franchises (a Maritime based company.) Now, I may have mentioned here before that I don't particularly care for pizza...I know, strange, isn't it? However I absolutely love all things donair. Donairs, super donairs, donair pizza, donair subs, donair flipwiches (donair fixings wrapped in pizza dough which has been slathered with heart attack inducing amounts of garlic butter and then baked and coated with even more garlic butter.) Back in my university days when all my floor mates were ordering pizza delivery I was pretty much the lone donair eater...as an aside, the absolute BEST SUPER DONAIRS come from the Wheel in Antigonish, NS. If you are ever down that way try 'em. I'm seriously pushing my alma mater (St.FX) on the girls, not for its excellent rankings in McLeans or its small school mentality and strong social network (you all know what I mean by that!) but just so I could visit them and make a side trip to the Wheel.

When we go home to the Maritimes we are treated to Greco meals many days (usually on the days we aren't being fed lobster, scallops, crab, oysters, etc. - sometimes we eat both Greco and seafood in one day but that is just mean of me to share that with you.) Do you think it is a bad thing to have a donair flipwhich for lunch AND dinner?

When we travel home to the Maritimes we do the obligatory Maritime touristy things, number one being head to the ocean. One of the things on the top of the girls' list of things to do is to actually go to Greco and eat in. See, we normally have large gatherings and order multiple pizzas, garlic fingers, wings (and a donair flipwhich or two) so the "eat in" part doesn't suit us very well. We do make sure that the girls do get to eat in at least once every trip but this year was extra special. We planned to go in between the lunch rush and the dinner crowd so they could actually enter their own orders in the computer and then make their own food. Talk about a thrilling experience for them (and an enlightening one for me - this is where I actually saw how much garlic butter goes on a flipwhich!)

Here's a layout I created about their experience. If you are a Maritimer you know the jingle that goes with the phone number.

We actually found a Greco in Ontario this summer while "vacationing" in Petawawa. Not sure if it will catch on in the rest of Ontario. I'm sure 90% of the military population in Pet has been posted to Gagetown at some point in their career where they were introduced to Greco so it would be a familiar site to them. My brother in Calgary said that when Pizza Delight (another Maritime chain) first opened out there when you went in all you heard was Maritime accents.

So if I can't get Greco's famous donair flipwhiches here in the Ottawa area I can now get the next best thing. I am thanking (I think????) my mother in law for bringing 5 pounds of Greco's donair meat and the accompanying sauce and pita bread (and lets not forget to mention the lobster and scallops!) on her recent visit. Now I can create my very own Greco donairs in the comfort of my own home. The problem is that the kids and Dan also like them so I have to plan my donair intake to times when the fewest family members are around so that I can stretch my supplies out.

A Hot Date!

2010-03-30T09:55:00.000-04:00

A bunch of scrapping friends decided enough was enough! We have been saying for years that we should get together more often to scrap but we find it hard to commit. Funny, none of our husbands has a problem committing to hockey leagues, golf tournaments, traveling around the world (OK...so for Dan that is kind of a work thing and he is pretty committed to bringing home a pay cheque...and I'm pretty committed to spending it.) We usually do our twice yearly weekends away but needed something more to keep us going. Every once in a while we'd organize a get together at someone's house and then madly run around re-organizing furniture, begging for tables and chairs, etc. Always fun but it kind of put the hostess' house in a big mess.

Well, we finally did it!

Stevie took the lead and organized us and now 18 of us have a hot date one Saturday a month for the next year. We are meeting at a local community hall and gasp! have to set up our own tables and chairs but for $3.33 per day I'd say that is a pretty great deal. The best thing is that it is about 8 minutes down the road for me. Umm, on second thought, the best thing is quite possibly the pot luck, but the 8 minute drive is a close second.

Here are a couple of pages from last Saturday. I was working under pressure for the design team reveal over at ScrapShotz. As usual, I always work best under pressure so the timing of the date couldn't have been better for me. Most of the products used are from Glitz Distressed Couture Collection.

Our next scrapping date is on April 17th. Anyone wanna take bets on whether I actually unpack from March's date before then. The odds are definitely in your favour if you go with "No! She won't unpack"

A croppin' I did go...

2010-01-13T11:24:00.008-05:00

A crop is the annual or season's yield of any plant that is grown in significant quantities to be harvested as food, as livestock fodder, fuel, or for any other economic purpose. (Wikipedia)

Uhmmm…not so much.

Crop (social event), an event where scrapbookers get together, at someone's house, in a scrapbook store or another event, and scrapbook.. (Wikipedia)

For many scrappers the holy grail of their craft/hobby/art is to attend a weekend crop to scrapbook to their hearts content without interruption for meal prep, laundry, sibling refereeing, chauferring to hockey/trampolining/dance/drama/piano (or all 5 in the span of 3 hours!) and answering the incessant “Mooooooom?” OK, I stand corrected…the real holy grail would be to sail away on one of those scrapbook cruises. Truthfully, I’d be too conflicted to pay to go on one of these. Do I spend my days in a dark meeting room with scissors and glue or do I get out and enjoy the on-ship pool and the warm rays of the sun and visit the various ports of call to enjoy the tropical scenery and the warm rays of the sun? Not to mention those drinks with the little umbrellas! I’m thinking anything that has to do with the warm rays of the sun would beat out scissors and glue. However, if I won a cruise or had a generous benefactor that wanted to buy my ticket I would have no qualms about spending my time in a dark meeting room with my glue and scissors (and perhaps a drink with an umbrella.)

OK, so in my reality a weekend get away is my holy grail and I recently came home from a wonderful weekend where I was provided with 6 meals, a wonderful bed all to myself, 12 feet of table space (and believe me, I used every inch of it!) a comfy padded chair (with wheels so I could quickly maneuver around my 12 feet of table space) and the enjoyable company of others who apprecaite being locked up in a windowless room for 3 days as much as I do. Now, I’ve also cropped at rustic locations where I’ve slept in squeeky bunkbeds made for pre-teens with 6+ other women (also in squeeky bunkbeds – ask me how I know!) and had a folding chair with 2 feet of table space. But you know what? As long as the company is good (and the food!) you can overcome these little (and those beds, chairs and limited table spaces were indeed little) obstacles and go on to create paper masterpieces.

For you uninitiated here’s how a crop goes…

You spend roughly 40 hours getting ready to go, between getting photos printed, matching patterned paper/card stock/embellishmnets, packing a few snacks and making the 13 trips out to your van to get everything loaded up (and FYI it only takes one trip to get the snacks!) Dan can’t understand why I don’t just stay home and crop. Ummm, yeah – please refer to paragraph 1!

You arrive at your destination and it only takes you 3 trips to get all your stuff inside because they have these wonderful carts to speed up the process.

You set up. This includes plugging in various accessories such as lamps, lap-tops, digital cutters and coolers (I told you I was bringing snacks!)

You get down to the business of scrapping, taking breaks only for meal times, bathroom trips, a sojourn to the LSS (Local Scrapbook Store) and a few hours of shut eye.

Reluctantly you pack up and take your 3 loads back out to your vehicle. Oddly enough your load has not lightened. It would seem that the void left by the consumption of snacks and beverages and all the bits of papers left laying on the meeting room floor has been filled by purchases at the LSS.

You arrive home where you may or may not bring your 13 loads back into the house. Even if you do bring them in, you may or may not unpack them sometime within the next week. Who am I kidding…the next month.

You run around like a mad woman trying to un-do everything that has been done and do everything that was left un-done in your house while you were away for 3 measley days. But oh how you loved those 3 measley days.

One of the neat things about cropping with friends is that you get to feed off their creativity and draw inspiration from their work. There is a lovely acronym in the scrapping world, CASE, which stands for copy and steal everything. AKA scraplifting – makes us sound like a bunch of criminals, doesn’t it? My little group like to display their creations up on the wall for inspiration (and easier copying/stealing.)

***Disclaimer...not my layouts - I'd only be so lucky to get half as much done!

One of the issues with scrapping is how to organize and transport all the supplies that we collect. Some of us feel the need to bring everything we own to a crop cuz you just never know when you might need something. I’d hate to have my creative energy sucked out of me just because I didn’t have that one perfectly matched ribbon or eyelet with me so I like to err on the side of caution.

I also like to wander around and look at what other people bring with them to crops. At this last crop I found 2 cool inventions.

This first one is a ribbon holder made from a recycled Girl Guide Cookie box. This ingenious, environmnetally friendly scrapper has spray painted her box, drilled holes and added washers to encircle the holes for this awesome looking and easily transported storage idea. Secondly, another scrapper has collected her bits of ribbons (but you could do this with buttons, chipboard alphas, etc) into little ziplock baggies and has hole punched the sides twice and run binder rings through the holes. By having the two rings it gives enough support for this holder to stand up on its on. This picture shows two holders stacked.

Besides scrapping, the thing we do best at these crops is talk and laugh. Sometimes I wonder how we accomplish anything. Do you suppose my output (usually the lowest in the group) is directly related to the amount of laughing and talking I do? Perhaps I should also mention that I require huge amounts of chocolate to get my creativity kick started. So between talking, laughing and eating I usually manage to create about 10 pages.

My little group plans these get aways twice a year, in spring and fall. If it weren’t for the probability of traveling in the middle of a snowstorm I’m sure we would try for a weekend in the dead of winter too. I hope that you also get a chance to experience a weekend crop. Why, I’ve even gone back after having to vacate the premises in the middle of the night for a fire alarm – and it was a real fire! Not only is it a chance to crop uninterrupted but a chance to renew old friendships and create new ones. Scrappers are the friendliest bunch of people I’ve ever met and most are not in the least bit inhibited in sharing stories that could make you pee your pants from laughter. I’d tell you more about the antics and laughs but we have a little saying with our group, “What happens at NavCan stays at NavCan.”

And a partridge in a pear tree

2010-01-12T12:56:00.000-05:00

Dan is not romantic. He does not like to shop (unless we're talking Princess Auto, electronics from E-bay or Canadian Tire.) I knew this before I married him. The first gift he ever gave me was 3 pairs of wool socks. "Why?!?!?" you ask? There are plenty of other un-romantic gifts out there (and believe me, I've received most of them) that he could have chosen. Truth is, he really was thinking of me when he chose the socks. We were preparing for a backbacking trip to Newfoundland and he wanted my feet to have good cushioning so I wouldn't get blisters (and therefore require him to carry my backpack.)

So, you see, I didn't go into this marriage expecting romantic gifts and,in fact,I have gotten a couple of great gifts...

Erin was born after a traumatic, scary, meds free, ... and TMI ... so many stitches they wouldn't give me a number...delivery. The whole thing scared Dan so much that for Mother's Day a few days later he surprised me with a swimming pool. Sure, not romantic - but this so topped my first Mother's Day when Allie was a newborn when Dan invited a single buddy over for the day and managed to pick up a take-out pizza. Have I ever mentioned that I don't really care for pizza?

One year Dan stumbled across, without any help, hints or outright stating from me, a little adhesive tool for scrapbooking that really excited me. Not excited in the romantic way. Dan thought he hit the jackpot with this gift. Lucky for him this little tool required adhesive refills. The next 4 or 5 gift giving occasions I received adhesive refills. Again, not romantic. Practical, yes. If you know Dan then you know he is all about practical. This was 6 or 7 years ago and I still have unused refills.

So, we've been together 16years (OMG), married for 14. On average, we'll say there are 3 gift giving occasions each year (Christmas, my birthday and we'll throw in a "pick one" between Valentines, our anniversary and Mothers Day - I know I'm not his mother but he could help the kids out a bit!) Of course I do accept gifts anytime. In fact, I remember one time a loooong time ago (BK - before kids) I was off work sick for a few days and he surprised me with a Kitchen Aid mixer and while yes it is a kitchen gadget (usually frowned upon by me as being a household item not a present) it was such an out of the blue thing that I was thrilled to receive it. So, 3 gifts out of 48 opportunities gives Dan a pretty poor success rate (and if I was any good at math, I'd figure out the percentage.)

Disclaimer - I'm really not that much of a material girl but I really think items such as tuna can strainers, brooms and dustpans are best left for occasions other than birthdays. These would be totally appropriate for many other occasions...OK, so the only occasions I can think of are housewarmings or going away to college care packages. And pool chemicals are only an appropriate gift if attending a housewarming where the house does indeed have a pool...again, not acceptable for birthdays, even if I really liked the pool as a Mother’s Day gift.

So Christmas has recently come and gone and I'm sure you are wondering how Dan made out shopping this year. I'm happy to report that I got everything on my list! Of course I decided to cut out the middle man. I used to make out a list of things I wanted including EXACT store, size, colour - even attached coupons from Michaels. Then Dan would trudge out and battle the crowds and then come home and complain about the whole experience. This year the best gift I gave Dan was freedom from the mall. We were both happy (well, Dan hasn't seen the credit card bill yet!), I didn't get a nozzle for the garden hose, and Dan was spared the daunting task of shopping. Oh wait, he did get an ounce bottle of baileys attached to a bottle of rum that I said would make a good stocking stuffer. Funny how he could battle the crowds at the liquor store no problem.

And so another Schurman Family holiday tradition is born. In fact I believe it will become a tradition for all gift giving occasions where he is the gifter and I am the giftee. Saves him the stress and saves me from getting a swiffer duster.

To the makers of Coffee Crisp.

2009-11-02T16:54:00.006-05:00

Hey Mr. Nestle, have I got an idea for you. Drop the crisp and keep the coffee. That yummy centre is all I'm after. I suppose you could keep the chocolate coating too. I make a terrible mess trying to get all those crispy wafers off that creamy brick of coffee flavoured goodness so I can savour it in its naked state. It would save me a lot of vacuuming if you just cut to the chase.

That's all.

No rush. I try to stay away from chocolate bars most of the year but those little mini halloween bars don't count, right? RIGHT? So if you could have the "Chocolate Covered Creamy Coffee" bars ready for next October that would be fine.

Thanks!

***Disclaimer...my desk is not messy due to crispy wafer crumbs. That would be a dirty desk. My desk is strictly messy.

I'm in the spotlight

2009-10-28T09:07:00.003-04:00

Over on the ScrapShotz Blog

Drop on by to learn all kinds of trivial (yet ever so interesting) things about me.

Have a burning question for me? Leave a comment on the SSZ blog and I'll get back to you.

Under construction - hard hats must be worn at all times!

2009-10-25T10:47:00.004-04:00

Sorry for the funky look but me and my non-existent blog designer mad skillz are battling it out to create a new look.

We will return you to your regularly scheduled program soon.

Must See TV

2009-10-24T09:10:00.002-04:00

I'm a TV addict and I freely admit it. New faves this year include comedies Modern Family and Cougar Town but I haven't gotten sucked into a new drama yet. I guess nothing can fill the opening in my schedule that ER left.

Do you like TV too? Why not join us at ScrapShotz this weekend where we are holding an on-line crop where all the challenges are based on TV shows, both past and present. Lots of scrapping to be done, games to be played and prizes to be won.

Here is one of my challenges based on CSI...

Do you have a favorite CSI series?

My fave is the original Vegas version but I also make a point of watching the team in NY. The Miami gang I can take or leave.

Pete Townsend (of the Who) is probably really happy they chose one of his songs for the opening theme to the original because NY and Miami followed with 2 others - can you say residuals?

We all know that CSI stands for Crime Scene Investigators.

Or it did…

Today CSI is taking on a whole new meaning and I’m asking you to take the challenge and solve…well not solve anything but create a LO. OK you say, that I can do. But wait! You need some clues. In our special CSI version of scrapping you have to do things following a special protocol...

You will need to use only tools and products that start with C, S or I.

So, you'll probably use Scissors. You will of course be able to use your paper trimmer, just refer to it as a Cutter. And of course you need adhesive but we’ll just call that Sticky Stuff. What else can you use?

Cardstock, Stickers, Stamps, Ink, Corner rounders, Silhouette, Cricut, Sizzix, Stickles, Circle Cutters, Square Punches, Scallop Punches, Cuttlebug, Stitching, Sewing, Chalk, Staples, Chipboard, Computer, etc. I can’t wait to see what other C, S and I things you can come up with.

I’m not a real stickler. If you can REASONABLY explain how your tool or product begins with a C, S or I then it will accepted.

You must use at least one tool/product to cover each of the letters. Guess, we’ll all be using ink, huh?

Have fun with this. It may make you step out of your box and get creative with your tools but I know that you can assist the CSI team on this case.

Here is my LO. I used cardstock, staples, 4 kinds of stickers (3 alphas and an epoxy circle), staples, chipboard shape, scallop circle stamp, circle punch, ink, strips of journaling, computer font and a corner rounder.

My marriage could be in trouble.

2009-10-21T19:22:00.000-04:00

Dan bought a bus pass this month.

This may seem like a trivial bit of information to you but in 2 years of mass transit use this is the first time that it has been financially beneficial for him to purchase a pass. "So?" you say. Obviously you don't get it. In order for the bus pass to be a better option than individual bus tickets Dan has to take the bus at least 14 days in a month. This has never happened before and may never happen again. Dan is actually going to be at home at least 14 week days this month...unless of course the military has something to say about that.

Hope our marriage survives this terrible strain...not used to him being around so much! Mind you hockey season has started and he is playing in 2 leagues and an occasional pick-up league so I probably won't see him any more than usual anyway.

Here's a little something from my messy desk. This is my oldest daughter. At 10 she is already 5' 1', wears a shoe size bigger than me and acts like 16. And by acting like 16 I don't mean helpful, kind and responsible but more along the lines of attitude and emotion. In fact these pictures do not accurately depict her - she usually has an eye roll.

Tootin' my horn!

2009-09-15T20:48:00.004-04:00

Happy to share that I have been asked to join the Design Team of an on-line scrapbook store based out of Calgary. You can visit me there at http://www.scrapshotz.com/ Do not blame me if you get sucked into the vortex.

Of course this will mean that I will actually have to tear myself away from the screens (both computer and TV) in order to actually DO some scrapping. Seems that after they send me a big box of scrapping goodies each month I am contractually obligated to produce something to inspire their members. My ever ~~cheap~~ practical husband was ecstatic to hear that I would be getting free stuff. I forgot to mention the little matter of "since the box is being shipped to me for free I'm taking advantage of this and filling it up with a few extras" to him.

Here is a wonky scan of my latest LO. I treated myself to a silhouette digital cutter back in the spring and I'm just now getting around to really playing with it. The title and the green florish were both cut using it.

FreeCycling is TMI

2009-09-11T22:07:00.005-04:00

Are you a freecycler? In case you haven't jumped on this environmentally friendly trend let me explain. Most cities and large towns have an internet home where a couple of things happen. People who don't want their ~~junk~~ extra stuff anymore offer it up for free. People who might need said ~~junk~~ stuff (and I'm not sure why someone would need some of this junk/stuff) make arrangements to get it from you. It is all in the vein of being green, reducing waste in the landfill, re-using other people's ~~junk~~ stuff, etc.

I will be the first to admit that I am not terribly green. Sure I recycle with the blue and black boxes and I compost in the non-snowy months (hey, you wanna come over and trek through shoulder height snowbanks to get to my composter?) and we even use those curly light bulbs that are supposed to last for 7 years but we've already burned out about a dozen.

So, I freecycle. More to get junk/stuff AKA crap, out of my basement. Not sure how it all got into my basement but I'm doing my duty and getting rid of it in the responsible way.

My local freecycle site also provides me with a good giggle every once in a while. There is one particular poster who always describes her item up for offer and then says something like "Will only gift item to people who give a polite response." So, first, I think, "WOW!" Somebody actually writes back 'Lady, give me your crap. Right now!'" and then I go to the other extreme and think about a really polite response.

Dear Sir or Madam, It would add great pleasure to my day if you would be so kind as to gift me with your lovely (insert name of junk/stuff/crap.) I shall always treasure it and will be eternally grateful for your kindness. Thanking you in advance for your generousity. Sincerely yours,

Frankly, I don't care who wants my junk/stuff/crap, as long as they come and get it.

I also get a kick out of the TMI (too much information) posts.

WANTED: Rug Shampooer

My geriatric cat has diabetes and throws up all over my furniture. I could really use a rug shampooer to help get rid of the stains and smells.

WANTED: Household items

My girlfriend got angry that I cheated on her so now I need pots, pans, dishes, sheets, towels, a bed, etc.

OFFER: Couch

Sturdy, grey, has some cat vomit stains but smells pretty good.

And then there are the picky people.

WANTED: Area rug

Must be in good shape (OK, I agree with this.) Beige with burgundy, 5 feet x 4 feet, no fringe.

PEOPLE! This is free junk/stuff/crap that would otherwise go to the landfill. Take what you can get. If you want a fringeless, 5x4 beige and burgundy area rug on the cheap head to Wally world.

Don't get me wrong. I think it is a great service. I've given away lots of junk/stuff/crap that people are very appreciative of. And I've even gotten stuff in return (cuz I don't want any junk or crap), most notably, a dog. Now Freecycle rules say no autos and no pets but somehow, shortly after we had to put down our 9 month old chocolate lab pup there happened to be a listing for...you got it...a 9 month old chocolate lab pup. Not sure how it got approved by the moderators but it slipped by and we became the owners of a free to us dog. Of course Dan says "nothing is ever free" so the next day we promptly went to the vet and shelled out big bucks for a raging ear infection.

Here is Cocoa meeting her new girls for the first time back in April 2006.

Well, they're off!

2009-09-01T09:05:00.014-04:00

And without any major incidents. They usually save the incidents (otherwise known as tantrums, attitude, etc.) for the other 189 days of school.

Here they are, looking all sweet and innocent, heading to grades 3 and 5 with their $483.97 worth of school supplies (OK, slight exaggeration, but I drove all over the city looking for the elusive grey duo-tang so if you figured in gas, wear and tear on the vehicle and wear and tear on the mom, believe me, it adds up!)

And here they are in the rarely seen "side by side" pose. Note that they are cleverly disguising their retractable claws and actually appear to like each other, or at the very least, aren't currently fighting and screaming.

And in other news...I've already confirmed that, yes indeed, there is absolutely no doubt that I really, really, really don't like making lunches. And I don't care if the girls don't like hot dogs, chicken soup or deep fried mystery road kill - if it is on the hot lunch menu (on the one freakin' day a week they offer it!) then they are gonna have it! Actually with all the new nutrition standards that hot lunches have to follow I'm pretty sure there won't be deep fried anything but somehow those hot dogs must have some nutritional value as they keep making their way on to the menu. I guess ketchup is made from ~~a vegetable~~ ~~a fruit~~ something that grows in the garden and if you present it in a whole wheat bun all the moms will nod their heads in approval (except me - I'm a white bread kind of girl) and all the kids will go "BLECH!"

Gotta go - I'm running out and picking up a bunch of grey duo tangs to save me the hassle (and at my age I can't take any unneccesary wear and tear) next year!

Something borrowed...

2009-08-30T09:32:00.008-04:00

Well, I promised to blog every week but we had company this past week (OK...they only arrived Wednesday but I still had to clean the house, enjoy the sun, referee 1,769 sibling ultimate fighting matches, not to mention we are also looking after a friends' dog for the week) so I'm copping out this week and using something I've seen on another blog that I ~~stalk~~ like to read. Of course I have erased her answers and inserted my own. Come on...I do have some integrity!

Outside my window...I see that the wind has picked up the foam inserts from under the trampoline edges and blown them all over the yard.

I am thinking...that I will probably have to go out and chase down said pieces of foam.

I am thankful for...the fact that I ate copious amounts of fudge last week and yet didn't gain a pound. Maybe that 1/2 pound of butter wasn't so bad for me after all.

From the kitchen...Ummmm...after the above post I think I will be avoiding the kitchen for a
while. The fudge pan is empty and taunting me.

I am wearing...Navy and white sleep pants, a navy T-shirt I got from an XXXL male roommate back in 1993 and blue crocs. Not sure which is the biggest fashion faux pas. And just to put the question to rest...it is still morning!

I am creating...yet another disaster zone in my scrap room. Unfortunately it isn't caused by a scrapping frenzy. Dan wanted to fix a desk drawer for me (I've only been waiting over a year) and it had to be done last night at 10 when the feeling struck him. It required the entire top of the desk being taken off which greatly helped in the facilitation of said mess. The 472 pounds of ~~crap~~ ~~expensive scrap book supplies~~ stuff I had ~~piled~~ neatly stored on top of my desk needed to find a new home fast or I may have had to wait for another year for the drawer repair.

I am going...to dance gleefully in the streets at 8:00 am on Tuesday morning. Yes, Staples advertising agency people, it is indeed "The Most Wonderful Time of the Year" when the kids head back to school. Of course, on the down side, I will have to get up a lot earlier in the morning now that we can't sleep in...OK, I've weighed the pros and cons and decided that back to school time is probably the "Second Most Wonderful Time of the Year" with the first day of summer vacation beating it out by a hair.

I am reading...too many blogs! (disclaimer...I did not change this answer but took it directly from the original blogger. Seems us bloggers have a little addiction.)

I am hoping...that Dan doesn't have too many odd jobs/household chores to do today. I sometimes feel ~~extremely lazy and incompetent~~ a slight tinge of guilt as I watch him busily attack his to-do list as I lounge on the coach with a good book.

I am hearing...the hum of my computer fan and the click of the keyboard keys...ahh...life is good (and quiet!)

Around the house...there are a number of switch plate covers that need to be put back on from when I painted last fall. Think I can add those to Dan's to-do list?

One of my favourite things...Fudge. Nuff said!

A few plans for the rest of the week...Collect trampoline foam. Battle 2874 other Moms at Staples today to get the last 2 frosted orange duo tangs and yellow report covers. Apply names and labels to 2 frosted orange duo tangs, 2 yellow report covers, 96 pencil crayons, 22 pencils, 16 scribblers (excuse me, they are called notebooks now - scribbling is no longer one of the three Rs) 2 back packs, 2 lunch bags, 4 indoor sneakers and a partridge in a pear tree (although I'm not sure the labels will stick to its feathers.) Do my annual "visit the principals" to get my name on the supply lists. Enjoy the quiet of the first week back to school before the principals start calling in week two.

A picture to share...I guess when I was creating this layout I had forgotten that fudge was one of my favourite things. Instead I went with reading, photography, computers, TV and Lays Chips. Not making me sound like a very well rounded, extroverted (or healthy) individual is it?

Domestic Goddess? Not SEW much!

2009-08-18T10:26:00.000-04:00

I don't sew...at all. Just ask my kids. If a seam is ripped, the arm is torn off a stuffed animal (blame Cocoa), or a Brownie badge needs attaching they know to go ask their father. Well, actually that isn't totally true. I usually "sew" the Brownie badges on with that magical iron on tape. I also use it for hems, small tears, etc. No one looks at my hems close enough to know if it is real sewing or not.

I really hate ironing too but that is another post. Suffice it to say that Dan knows when I get the iron out it really means I'm "sewing."

I remember as a kid watching what must have been (after the ever so popular pocket fisherman and K-tel records) one of the first ever infomercials that touted this miracle powder that could fix any multitude of clothing disasters. Got moth holes in a favorite sweater? Cigarette burn in a pair of jeans? Small shark tore a chunk out of your bathing suit (and a couple of appendages?) All you had to do to miraculously fix these problems is clip a few hidden fibres from the torn/ripped/moth or shark eaten material, mix it with this miracle powder, press the resulting fibrous ball into the trouble spot and iron. Voila - my kind of sewing! Haven't seen this around in, ohhhhhh -let me not date myself too badly, the last 30 years. Not sure why it didn't take the sewing world by storm. Perhaps the miracle powder was made of asbestos.

I took sewing in Family Living and made 3 projects - a football pillow (not sure why as we got to pick our projects and I certainly wasn't a football fan - must have been rated as easy), a pair of shorts that I have no memory of ever wearing and the ever so hot and stylin' burgundy cordoroy jumper that could have passed for a maternity dress. Even if I had followed the pattern correctly and sewn it properly it still would have been closer to a maternity dress than anything a grade 12 girl would wear - even if it was the 80s! My generation was more into ripping sweatshirts a la Flashdance than sewing anything.

All this to say that I try to avoid sewing at all costs.

Except I have this little secret.

But you have to promise not to tell Dan (and I'm pretty sure he doesn't read this blog because I make fun of him a lot on here and he's never shown any sign of ~~retribution~~ being embarrassed about it.

Here it is...

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I sometimes sew on my scrapbook layouts.

Not just with a regular needle and thread either. I sometimes get out the actual sewing machine and put the pedal to the metal and zoom that little needle all over my page. Dan would shoot me if he ever found out. Not because sewing through layers of paper might hurt the sewing machine or break a needle but simply because "I don't sew!" Frankly, I think the thought that I might ruin an 80 cent piece of paper is a lot less intimidating to me then the thought of ruining $10 worth of material or the thought of spending 37 minutes seam ripping something that took me 1.6 seconds to sew (hence the need to rip it out - I don't think sewing machines are supposed to go 50km an hour.)

Now that my dirty little secret is out I'm going to share a couple of examples of my fine handiwork with you just to prove that I can, indeed, sew. This first is a fine example of hand sewing. Take note of the precise angles and the eveness of the stitch length - near perfection!

This second layout is a testament to my machine stitching. Notice the wildly random linear paths and overlaying stitches- totally planned this way. I said i could sew but I certainly didn't say I could sew in a straight line. This planned chaos method works for me. All mistakes are intentional and of course it all adds to the homemade look ;c)

We now return you to the regularly scheduled program.

2009-08-10T22:05:00.001-04:00

People have been asking me when my next blog post would appear. Well, to tell the truth, using the term "people" would imply that more than one person is interested in a new post and that may or may not be the case. My father (Hi Dad!) seems to enjoy reading my "rants" as he calls them. Does it count as being "people" when he then prints it off for my mother (Hi Mom!) Does it count if said "people" are related to you? I do have a stat counter to show where my blog hits come from and for some strange reason - this is the honest truth - the RCMP checks out my blog. Surely the RCMP counts as "people" but then they aren't really clamoring for me to create more posts. Also, I have a real RCMP friend and he assures me that the RCMP, while they do indeed check blogs, do not use "RCMP" in their e-mail addresses.

I admit that I have a regular blog routine where I click through a list of faves to see what is happening in various photography, scrapbooking, recipe and mom blogs. Sometimes I even switch up the routine and start at the bottom of the list. Can you believe that some people have the nerve to not have new posts up when I go to visit their blogs? How annoying is that? I have a friend who adopted a baby in Asia and she faithfully blogged almost every day about their trip there to get him and then left me hanging high and dry with a blog post entitled "Trip to Mui Ne" where they frolic at a beach resort with the new baby. No follow up posts like "We've arrived home safe and sound (Not to mention absolutely exhausted.)" No "4 am feedings really suck!" Of course this is a friend IRL (in real life, Mom and Dad) so I could call her but that would defeat the point of having her on my blog list.

Truth be told, I like to write. I get lots of good (?? OK, using this term liberally) ideas. I sit in front of my computer for hours on end anyways. Not so sure why I can't get the proverbial pen to the proverbial paper on a more regular basis. Could be that my life is busy (just forget about that part above were I mentioned sitting in front of my computer for hours on end.) Probably not a good excuse - 2 of the blogs I am faithful to are written by a mom of 6 and a mom of pre-school triplets - I'm sure they would both love to be just "busy" instead of on full speed ahead turbo boost 24/7.

So, I've decided I'm going to try and resurrect this blog. I'm hoping to post on a more regular basis. My track record of one post every few months means I can post just once a month and that would be more regular but I'm going to aim real high and "GASP" try for a weekly post.

See you next week...

What not to wear...I'm obviously wearing it!

2009-01-24T19:29:00.000-05:00

The girls and I enjoy all the fashion makeover shows on TV - especially "What Not to Wear." What's that you say? You're not familiar with that show. In the ever so tactful words of my nine year old, "It's when people who dress like Mom win $5000 so they can go shopping and get clothes that look good."

Today we were watching a rerun were three women vie to be the worst dressed teacher in whatever state it was they were filming in. Allie, my afore mentioned tactful 9 year old, says to me, "Does WNTW ever come to Canada?" and I tell her that I've never seen them do a Canadian show but perhaps they might someday. "Good!" says the tactful child, "Cuz then you could apply to be on the worst dressed teachers in Ontario show."

Yeah...I'll do that.

I've never been a real fashionista. Well there was that time that I wore stirrup pants. And Peter Pan Get Away boots (what kind of name is that?) And I did the whole neon craze. Can't forget granny boots. WOW! Now that I've listed all these great fashion statements I made - maybe I was a fashionista after all? Of course, the most recent of these fashion trends became a fashion faux pas by the late 80s so I guess the last 20 years have seen me go from fashionista to fashionless.

I remember the first piece of clothing that I just had to have. It was the summer between grade 6 and grade 7 and the Sears catalogue had recently arrived. There, in the teen girls' section, was my heart's desire - a fake (is polyester fake???? Surely it is real polyester?) sheep skin vest. It was like the hottest thing ever (literally, too!) and Mom and Dad must have also thought so because I was soon sporting this fashion ~~faux pas~~ trend on my way to Junior High.

Lucky for me (and you lucky readers too) this vest is forever memorialized in my grade 7 school photo. Here I am wearing it with a lovely plaid cowboy shirt with pearlized buttons. Fashion perfection at its best. Perhaps next post we will discuss why I have a boy's haircut - can't cover all my beauty and fashion mistakes in one post. Better yet, maybe I'll just do a retrospective of all my school photos - they should cover most of the fashion trends and beauty don'ts of a couple of decades!

The fine art of painting...walls, that is.

2008-11-21T18:36:00.013-05:00

I just painted our bedroom. Do you think there is some psychological connection to colour selection cuz I, ummm, just painted my bedroom in shades called milk chocolate and chocolate froth? Or perhaps my colour selections are entirely gastronomically related to my taste buds.

Really, I prefer chips to chocolate most of the time for snacking - although I'm not opposed to dipping my hand into the bag of chocolate chips for a quick pick me up. Funny though, I wasn't drawn to any potato chip coloured paint swatches. Come to think of it, I really didn't see any swatches called "sour cream and onion", "salt and vinegar" or one that I think would look great in the kitchen, "roast chicken."

When I was a kid, choosing paint was so much easier. If you wanted pink you went in and looked at the pink swatch - it had light pink, medium pink and dark pink. Wanted blue? How about light blue? Medium blue? Dark blue. Actually there were a couple of colours that were more definitively named. If you were a child of the 70s you might remember them - avocado green and harvest gold?

I have come up with a tried and true method of selecting paint colours. Choose the shade you really, really like, pay $35 for a gallon and come back the next day for the shade on the swatch that is two shades lighter than the shade you originally chose. Now that I've used this method a half dozen times I've progressed to the point where I skip the step where I buy the first gallon and immediately go for the two shades lighter choice.

Seriously, how can you tell from a 1" x 2" swatch of colour what a paint choice will look like in your room. Really, how was I to know that neon green would look so...well...neon-ish?

Another paint choosing tip. Remember that when you take in a small item to be colour matched (lets say, oh...how about a pillow with a teeny, tiny square of neon green) that the small item might not translate well to 180 square feet of walls.

And what about those lovely booklets with various rooms painted to showcase the current trends in colours? It has been my experience that if you don't have the furnishings, draperies, artwork, and other decorative touches pictured in the photos then your freshly painted room will still look like ~~crap~~ some one with no decorating talent lives there.

I'll leave you with a couple of photos of my current works of art.

The first one is Erin's room in shades of cotton candy. There is now a white chair rail installed (by moi!) at the point where the 2 colours meet. I'm pretty sure we don't have any chairs that will reach that high but we'll be ready if we ever get one!

This next room is Allie's funky new hang out. See the green???...Like it is hardly obvious! This is the 2 shades lighter green! Sometimes you may have to go 4 shades lighter. This photo is a bit dark so in case you can't tell the obvious colour palate is aqua, chocolate brown and lime green...but a light lime green. Haven't gotten curtains up yet so just pretend there are some lovely chocolate brown panels...putting that on my to do list this week along with 1,265, 984 other things.

By the way...anyone in need of 3/4 of a gallon of bright neon green paint (as opposed to the obviously (??) less bright 2 shades lighter neon green paint.)

And because this blog is also supposed to be about sharing some of my scrapbooking works of art here is a layout about Allie's new room. She's giving me the thumbs up so i must have done something right...not always the case around here. And to think she is only 9.

Schools out for summer how freaking long???

2008-07-23T11:14:00.003-04:00

So school ended somewhere around the end of June and then we almost immediately had company for a week in which we went to 3 museums, the Musical Ride, and did Canada Day on the Hill with 250,000 of our closet friends. Oh yeah...and a little bit of scrapbook shopping managed to get done too.Then I made 374 trips from the house to the trailer getting ready for our vacation. The first week we spent on quiet (until we got there) Lake Cayamant, Quebec where I positioned a lounge chair next to the lake while everyone else fished, swam and boated and did my own small bit of obligatory fishing, swimming and boating (it was a family vacation you know!) between reading and sipping cool drinks. After an eventful departure (Dan will hate that I'm sharing this but his beloved GM truck got stuck, with trailer attached, trying to get out of the cottage driveway and had to be towed out - by a FORD!) we returned home for a quick turn around where I took 72 loads of dirty clothes into the house and then took 72 loads of clean clothes and 67 loads of food back to the trailer for a trip to a Provincial Park.Today is Monday. Dan went back to work today. Leaving me at home alone with 2 girls who, although they have been sleeping in quite nicely, are still short about 2 hours of sleep each night due to extremely late bedtimes. This does not make for an enjoyable summer vacation.

I have not been relaxing on a lawn chair, magazine in hand and drink (preferably a pina colada) on the side table. Instead I've been doing lots of work around the yard. Why, you ask, would Denise, the Queen of Chillaxin', be doing manual labour? Duh! Of course there is an ulterior motive...don't tell Dan, but the jobs I've been choosing to do all involve really loud machines and, while time consuming, do not require much physical effort. So, in order to keep sane I have taken up a new hobby. It is called pressure washing. So far I’ve done the deck, the patio, the windows and the stone walkways. It has taken me hours and hours to get all that work done. “Quite a hobby!” you say. Well don’t knock it til you try it. Pressure washers are very noisy. Get it? Very noisy? Due to the loud noise generated by the pressure washer I've been required to spend long periods of time without hearing any of the disruptions going on around me. I don’t hear all the fighting, screaming, bickering and crying - I just plug in my MP3 player and spray away

I also kind of wish my grass would grow a little faster. Nothing like a ride on lawnmower for noise. And why is it that every time I start mowing one of the kids comes out and starts hollering at me? I just point to my ears and shrug my shoulders, avoiding the entire explanation of why Sister A hit Sister B after Sister B

a) took Sister A’s favourite Barbie (my kids are deprived, only 1843 Barbies!)
b) sat on the wrong couch cushion (we have assigned seating in our house)
c) ate the last Popsicle (which Sister A dozen’t like anyway, but that is beside the point.

I’m thinking I could probably come up with a couple more noisy hobbies. Unfortunately we don’t have any hedges and we don’t have a wood burning fire place or else hedge trimming or chain sawing might have been good choices.

Temper Tantrums - Unfortunately they aren't just for 2 year olds!

2008-05-03T22:53:00.005-04:00

So have you seen this show on TLC - Jon and Kate Plus 8? Jon and Kate couldn't have kids so they went through fertility treatments and had twins and 3 or 4 years later went through treatment again and had sextuplets. The show focuses on their life with 8 young kids and to me I think John and Kate are keeping it real (why do I want to type a Randy Jackson-ish "Dawg!" at the end of that sentence?) - they argue, the kids act up, Kate belittles Jon, etc. They manage to go on many outings and I'm really surprised that they haven't become "John and Kate Plus 5 or 6 cuz we lost one at the zoo and another 2 haven't surfaced after yesterday's trip to the mall"

In our household recently we were seriously considering becoming "Denise and Dan Plus One" as we were just about ready to list Erin on E-Bay to see how much we could get for her. Frankly, we may have even considered paying a small price for someone to take her.

We've recently had three very serious incidents where for whatever reason something ticked Erin off and resulted in the spawn of Linda Blair's vomit spewing, head rotating Exorcist character and Godzilla taking up residence in our house.
This

plus this
equals this????????????

Thankfully there was no actual vomit at our house (oops - I forgot the 3 am dog emptying her stomach of assorted Easter candy and wrappings vomiting that happened Sunday night) but there was some definite head rotating, crying, stomping of feet, fire breathing, stomping of small homes and other generally unappreciated behaviours.
Now we don't ask much of our kids - keep your room clean (well, we do ask!), eat what we put in front of you (even though you hated it the last 17 times we had it), be polite (funny, we didn't put any qualifiers on this like "be polite in school and in public" but apparently this is all we are getting), play nicely with your sister (obviously far too much to ask of them), etc. We don't ask them to scrub toilets, eat out of garbage bins or to work in a sweat shop 20 hours a day. Come to think of it, they do like to scrub toilets but they generally ask me if they can do that. Last weekend I guess I asked too much of Linda Blair-zilla - I asked her to have a bath or shower. The nerve of me to request such a thing, especially from the girl that loves to splash amongst her bath toys until she is all wrinkly toes and fingers. Apparently tho, it was too much and pandemonium in the form of a titanic tantrum ensued. Did I mention that Erin is far removed from 2. She'll be 7 this week.

I have a theory on the terrible twos. Seems, amongst my crowd of friends anyway, that most people have their second child right around the 2nd birthday of their previous child. Wouldn't you be a little ticked off if you were your parents' pride and joy and then along came this bundle of ~~poop~~ baby powder scented sweetness that got attention when ever it cried? Don't tell me you wouldn't cry too. And if that wouldn't work you would then resort to kicking, screaming, flailing arms and as a final act, an all out rolling on the floor fit? I'm seriously thinking I should go to grad school and develop this as my thesis. I'm sure lots of parents would drop their temper tantrumming 2 year olds off with me to study.

I tell you, when Allie was 2 (which coincidentally occurred 3 weeks before Erin was born) I was sometimes scared to go out in public. Really scared. How this sweet little child could instantly turn into the Tasmanian devil (emphasis on devil!) was beyond me.
Cute tasmanian devil -
Slightly ticked off tasmanian devil -
Now the experts say that when these fits and tantrums occur the parent should explain in simple terms the consequences for such behaviour - usually removal from the situation. Well, let me tell you...the experts obviously didn't have $200 worth of food and sundries (always wanted to use that word!) in their grocery carts. They didn't just spend 2 hours lovingly selecting nothing but the best for their family - organic fruits, trans fat free cookies and lean cuts of the choicest meats (mind you, neither did I - we're all about yogurt in a tube, apple sauce in a plastic cup and the occasional pogo stick.) Damn those experts - there is no way I would be leaving my groceries behind (crappy as they may be) just to remove my screaming toddler from the grocery store to alleviate stress on other peoples' usually enjoyable shopping experience. Besides, when you try to put a tantrumming child into a car seat they go stiff as a board and won't bend in the middle like they are supposed to. Thankfully they only need to be in car seats until they turn 8 in Ontario. Only 1 more year of assisted bending here!

And while the temper tantrums do tend to lessen both in intensity and number (but not in the non-understanding of what starts them) my spawn of the devil above gives proof to the fact that even almost 7 year olds can still go stiff as a board when they don't get their way.
Unfortunately, I'm here to tell you that even almost 9 year olds can behave like 2 year olds. I was booked to teach at the girls' school recently and up until 7:29 our morning routine went off without a hitch. Then the clock turned over to 7:30, here on after known as the witching hour. AKA the time we have to leave the house! That was when Allie discovered that her snow pants were missing. First she argued that yes, she had indeed hung them up yesterday (because she does this every day - NOT!) Yes, she did indeed remember carrying them home from the bus stop. No, she did indeed not leave them on the bus because she quite explicitly remembered carrying them off the bus and hanging them up at home. Yes indeed! Cue the crying and the wailing (I find at almost 9 they generally save throwing themselves on the ground for the bigger items - like when I say they can't have the piece of crap from the dollar store) This from the girl who I fought with more often than not to actually even get her to wear the freakin' snow pants. Then comes the blame game. Blame the younger sister for taking the snow pants which the younger sister,who is busy blaming someone for taking her agenda and homework out of her backpack, cuz, yes, she did indeed put them back in her backpack last night after completing her homework, denies. Blame me, who wasn't even home from teaching yesterday when they got home from school. Blame the dog cuz she always has a guilty look on her face. Suffice it to say, once the blame game was over (meaning there were no other humans or animals that had been in our house during the last 15 hours that could possibly have had the opportunity to move said snow pants) we make our way to school and lo and behold, those snow pants had miraculously accomplished the great escape and found their way right back to school where Allie promptly refused to put them on.
Do you think I'll ever win?

Blogger: Blog this! Scrap that! - Edit Post "Temper tantrums - Unfortunately they aren't just f..."

He (or she, as the case may be) who hesitates...

2008-04-04T23:17:00.002-04:00

misses out in registering for cheap group swimming lessons and instead must pay for private swimming lessons at an exorbitant hourly rate.

Nuff said!

And to go along with the swimming lessons theme, here's a layout from last year's cheap group lessons! This year's layout will likely look the same but will have fewer onlookers and include the receipt as a priceless piece of memorabilia!

The luck of the Irish!

2008-03-18T15:07:00.008-04:00

My paternal grandmother was a McKenna from Nova Scotia who had her family traced back to Ireland. I think that if there was any luck in her Irish blood that it must have thinned out by the time it got to me. My luck, when it comes to prizes, lotteries and games of chance, is pretty much non-existent. Oh wait! I did win that Nike tote bag one time. And there was that time when I was about 8 or 9 that I won the jackpot when I went to bingo with Grandma and Grandpa. Of course my older cousin Dave had let me stand in front of him in line so my Mom made me share my winnings with him cuz you just know that my lucky card was supposed to be his lucky card.

I'm thinking my cousin Dave got more of the lucky Irish blood than I did.

So here I sit with my less than full strength lucky Irish blood pondering life (cuz you know I have nothing better to do!) and I've decided that I am indeed pretty lucky...

Why just last week I was lucky to have any hair left on my head when I went in for a TRIM. Why, oh why do I always get the hairdressers that are measurement impaired? I know, I know! We have moved to the metric system here in Canada but surely when I say I want an inch trimmed off my hair the hairdresser should be able to make a good guess at what an inch actually represents. I swear I can almost see the hairdresser's mind turning while she is doing the math - "1 inch equals roughly 2.2 centimeters. Or is that 1 pound equals 2.2 kilograms? Or 2.2 kilograms equals 1 pound? Does she want me to cut off 1 pound of hair? Or one kilogram of hair? Damn! I'll just cut a chunk off and pretend I know what I'm doing."

And what about that time my credit card was "compromised" at the mall so the credit card company cancelled it immediately upon hearing from the Police. Why that was really lucky for me that criminals stole my card number and that I couldn't go shopping until I had a new card issued. Wait! That was really lucky for Dan. I on the other hand suffered miserably for the 3 days it took for Canada Post to deliver a new card (and then promptly made up for it - hey! give me a break, it was Christmas time!)

I was also really lucky to marry a man that is so handy in so many ways - he can fix cars, furniture, electronics. He can build whole computers from spare parts lying in a box in our storage room. He can even sew! Why he has literally saved us thousands upon thousands of dollars by not having to purchase new items for our house - Boy! Am I lucky! I'm even luckier that so far his sewing prowess is basically limited to hemming pants and mending rips. I couldn't stand the thought of how lucky I would be if he started sewing clothes!

And I've also been really lucky in getting my wish to be the mother of girls instead of boys. I looked forward to playing Barbies and house, baking cookies - you know- girl stuff. Putting worms on hooks and pretending to be overjoyed at the thought of having rodents, amphibians and other creepy crawly creatures as pets just isn't my thing. Boys, from my limited experience, never, ever, ever sit still (unless of course they are trying to catch a rodent, amphibian or other creepy crawly creature.) Girls, on the other hand, are really good at sitting still and playing for hours. That is why every toy they own must be within arms reach, entirely covering the floor, never to be picked up until the threat of a super sized garbage bag is made. Boys like to run around yelling and hollering. Girls just sit still and emit high pitched screams. So, I am really lucky that I don't have to chase around a couple of hollering boys but instead have to tread gingerly trying to avoid serious foot damage from stepping on Barbie's stiletto heeled shoes or the antenna on her pink convertible while refereeing screaming matches. But you know, while all that running around after boys might be a good exercise program I think any benefits are outweighed by the ensuing stress of watching boys dangle from tree branches, popping wheelies on bikes or swinging "sword" sticks at the evil monster/ninja turtle/escaped lion/brother. I think stress lines age you faster than a few extra pounds. So in my round about thinking - I'm lucky to have a few extra pounds?????????

(and for those of you that think I have just propagated a gender stereotype...well, I guess I'm lucky I live in a country that allows free speech. Furthermore because this country also allows YOU the right to free speech I am even luckier that I subscribe to a blog that allows me to moderate comments.)

Sounds of crickets chirping

2008-03-15T22:31:00.008-04:00

No, this post title is not a reference to the much anticipated but definately far off into the future arrival of Spring. It refers instead to the total abandonment of this blog and the ensuing silence.

I freely admit it. I am a terribly bad blogger. I haven't been on this blog in months but have certainly managed to spend some time on the other 2,593blogs on my favorite lists. I have scrapping blogs, photography blogs, coupons and deals blogs, blogs of friends. There is a blog for everyone out there. Just so you don't think all I ever do is sit in front of my computer screen I thought I’d do a quick run down of all that has been going on in my life since my last post that has kept me away from here.

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Dan comes home. Dan has 5 weeks off work. Dan can't sit still for more than 5 minutes. Dan orders hardwood for entire house. Denise, who has no problem sitting still watching TV, sitting still reading a book, sitting still eating chips, no longer has the opportunity to sit still for even 1 minute. Denise helps Dan lay hardwood floor in 4 rooms and a very long hallway. Dan lets Denise rest over the holidays but hung-over Denise helps Dan finish a room on New Year's Day. Denise takes opportunity to lay down later that day.

Denise supply teaches a lot. Denise sends most horrid student ever to the office. Denise agrees to teach class of most horrid student on multiple occasions. Denise is not sure if a) she is doing a good job with the class of the most horrid student ever or b) no one else is willing to supply in the class of the most horrid student ever. Denise sucks it up cuz every dollar earned is going in her pool fund. Plus, the most horrid student ever is frequently suspended from school so it's a 50/50 chance whether he will actually be in school that day. Unfortunately, most horrid student ever has a twin brother who is second most horrid student ever. Denise feels sorry for Grade 5 teacher that will have this class next year! Denise is happy to report that she also supplies for a lot of other classes including French Immersion (Denise can count to 39 in French now!), and all grades from Junior Kindergarten (they aren't all as cute as they look!) to Grade 12 math (Hey, Denise took this twice when she was in grade 12 so she is verrrry qualified.)

Denise single handedly does the Christmas shopping and holiday preparations. Dan continues to be oblivious to the fact that Christmas occurs on December 25th each year. During the over use of the trunk for transporting gifts and groceries the hinges somehow let go and Denise needs to hold the trunk open with a block of wood or risk amputation from rapidly closing trunk. Denise guesses that she has gotten many strange looks at the Super Store parking lot as she stands back and fires the grocery bags into the trunk. Denise uses some of said groceries to make 6 batches of cranberry almond bark. Denise eats 5 batches of cranberry almond bark and sends one batch into Dan's work.

Denise enjoys Christmas with her Mom, Dad and brother Greg visiting for a week. Santa brought Denise a new DSLR camera that has been occupying much of her time since. Mom and Dad brought Denise a chocolate fountain. It has also been occupying much of her time since. Santa brought the girls Nintendos. They have also been occupying much of her time since – especially that addictive Brain Age game. Once Denise realized that Suduko only involved numbers AND NO ACTUAL MATH SKILLS a new addiction was born.

Denise takes artsy photos with new DSLR and ever present snow!

Denise's friends enjoy the chocolate fountain. Denise thinks chocolate fountain is tons-o-fun until she has to clean chocolate fountain.

Dan goes away for 6 weeks. Dan spends 4 of those weeks in Texas. You know, one of the warm states. Denise spends these same 6 weeks snow blowing and shoveling. Denise lives in a city that will soon break the yearly snowfall record that has been held for over 30 years. Denise has a large ice rink in her back yard. Denise also shovels the ice rink on occasion. Thankfully Denise’s neighbours share the ice rink and shovel it too!

Before Dan leaves for Texas (the aforementioned warm state) he fixes Denise's trunk hinges but secretly hopes she does not buy anything to put in the trunk. Denise's trunk continues to work. Denise's front exhaust develops a large hole. Denise's car is embarrassing (not to mention probably illegal) to drive. Cheap, Frugal, mechanically inclined husband tells Denise what to do to fix car. Denise digs a can out of the recycle bin, searches for 3.5 hours for the tin snips and cuts a piece of the can to surround the large hole in exhaust. Denise lays on her back on the snow covered, sloped driveway under the exhaust challenged car WITH NO WORKING PARKING BREAK! Denise wrestles with 2 hose clamps and a wrench and manages to cut exhaust noise by about 1000 decibels.

The writer’s strike hits hard and Denise is relegated to watching stupid reality shows. Oh wait, Denise always enjoyed stupid reality shows. Denise like to explain that it is the sociologist in her – she is enthralled by the group interactions of survivors, apprentices and models. Throw in American Idol for its pure entertainment value and a token well-written drama (She’s a huge LOSTie) and her TV dance card is full.

Denise paints the dining room. Denise thinks about painting another room. Denise decides to wait til after March Break when everyone is out of her hair again. Denise decides Cocoa will spend painting time in her kennel. Denise does not like dog hair on her freshly painted walls.

Denise enjoys (huge understatement) a Brownies and Sparks sleepover at a local museum. Denise continues to wonder who coined the term SLEEPover??? Denise also continues to volunteer at the school. The staff needs to clarify if she is a teacher or a mother on any particular day.

Dan comes home from Texas. He snow blows driveway for the 3 storms that week (OK one was an ice storm that immobilized the city but didn't require any snow blowing) that dumped 80 cm of FREAKING SNOW! During the worst storm of the year, Denise, Dan, Allie and Erin drive clear across the city to see Disney’s High School Musical on Ice. Denise stands in line at intermission to buy cotton candy. Denise abandons the cotton candy line when she learns it is $10 a bag! Denise buys a box of Tim Bits for less than $3. Denise white knuckles the entire drive home and vows never to pre-purchase tickets for a winter event again!

Once the city is plowed out Denise gets a new van. This is a stock photo. Had it been Denise's real van it would have been surrounded by 10 foot snow banks!

Girls and dog are fine.

**************************************************************************************************

So, this post has proven to be of epic proportion. And to think I’ve even left out some of the important and/or exciting details of the last few months. Of course they were so important and/or exciting that they have totally slipped my mind right now but rest assured, I will be back to share those with you as well.

Until my return, I leave you with the chirping crickets.

Public Service Announcement

2007-11-18T18:13:00.000-05:00

Aaaaaack...my eyes, my eyes!

Warning...Internet surfing without parental controls and blocking software is a dangerous thing! Even if you are over 30...ok, ok....even if you are just a couple months into your 40s!

I'm getting ready for a Girl Guide bake sale. Amongst other things, one of the items the older girls make is a couple pieces of fabric sewn up to look like pants, with the leg holes sewn shut. These "pants" are then filled with bubblegum and tied at the top. They go by the not so appetizing name of "Bubble Butts." Surprisingly kids love them. Actually, I guess that isn't surprising at all. What with the words poop and fart bringing hours of enjoyment why wouldn't a whole bag of Bubble Butts providing legitimacy to be able to repeat the word butt every time you pop in a piece of gum not be appreciated by the average 7 year old boy?

Me, being the type to help out whenever I can to avoid things like laundry, vacuuming, yard work and other household tasks, offered to help make tags for the girls' bake sale items. So, I made tags for the Canine Cookies with a cute little clip art doggie and tags for the Kitty Cookies with a cute little clip art kitty and tags for the Bubble Butts with a cute little....PORN STAR!!!! Really...you google butts and just see what happens. And if that isn't enough for you, google blowing bubbles. I'm really not prudish at all but this stuff was SCARY! I just hope these peoples' parents never have to google butt or blowing bubbles - they could be in for a rude awakening when they see their son or daughter. And all these years they thought Suzie or Bobby worked in an office...Yeah, well...I guess I did see a filing cabinet in one of the shots.

Dan also had a glimpse into internet porn a while back. He was looking to buy a new camera so was checking out various camera shops on-line. He assures me that I really don't need to check out blacks.com. Seems the camera shop has a different site name.

Now, we let our kids use the computer. You know, Barbie.com, Webkins, Family Channel, etc. Pretty tame stuff (and some of it pretty addictive too. I quite enjoy a little Webkinz gaming after the kids are in bed) but until we get a blocker installed I don't think I'm even going to let them turn the computer on. I always thought we were safe. My kids would never google a "bad" word. All I need is for someone to google an otherwise innocent word and end up with 2, 984, 672 links to porn. Try to explain that one in a parent-teacher interview

I know Christmas is coming....

2007-11-12T18:21:00.000-05:00

Not only because the ad/flyer bags have grown to well over 5 pounds each.

Not only because I recently spent 14 hours testing EVERY. SINGLE. FREAKIN. LIGHTBULB on the outside lights.

Not only because my kids can quote 17 toy commercials...EACH!

Not only because I can't find anything at Wal-Mart since their Christmas display has displaced every other department.

Not only because Rosie's Christmas CD is playing on a constant loop - oh wait...the kids play that all year!

Not only because my Master Card is melting from constant swiping - oh wait...that happens all year too!

My biggest clue that Christmas is coming is that there has been...

A miracle on XXXXXX Street!

XXXXXX being my street, not the local adult strip - you can never be too careful disclosing personal info on the internet, ya know? Of course, most of you reading this know my name and address anyway, or could look me up on Canada411, Facebook, or the old-fashioned (gasp) but fairly efficient when the power is out, phonebook, but that one stalker guy who regularly lurks on random blogs doesn't need to know.

Back to the miracle...

Dan is cleaning out the garage.

That in itself is a minor miracle.

The earth shattering miracle - are you sitting down? - is that Dan actually THREW. SOMETHING. OUT!

Like in the garbage!

Like in he no longer wants it!

Like in this has absolutely never happened before!

So, you wanna know what he threw out? A 40 foot power cord for our travel trailer. And you know what? This power cord was perfectly good....except for the fact that it was in about 18 chunks after the neighbours ran over it with their lawn tractor this summer trying to do a neighbourly good deed.

I'm hoping this will start a trend and that all garage items that are broken, worn out or missing pieces will soon meet an equally inexplicable demise. Why, if being worn out was the single category used to determine a garage item's worth then we could surely get rid of the 18 tires stored above the garage door. Really, if they aren't good enough to be put back on a vehicle why are we keeping them? No offense to all of you with little garden planters made out of cut up tires. Admit it, you've all admired these, especially the ones painted bright pink to go with the house trim. Now that I think of it though, this may be a purely Maritime type of garden decor... and I use the term decor very loosely here...but tire planters just aren't my thing.

A few years back, when the used tire collection was still in the single digits, I did search out a pattern to creat a tire swing that looks like a horse. Really cute...for 3 year olds...but my 8 1/2 year old probably wouldn't be caught dead on it now...not really cool, ya know? Of course we could make a regular old tire swing - if our trees were about 15 years older and 10 inches wider - but what would we do with the 17 other tires?

I guess I'll just have to accept the miracle as it came. But one can only hope that the "I'm going to get rid of all my t-shirts from junior high" miracle can't be far behind.

I must apologize for my absence

2007-11-05T18:24:00.000-05:00

I haven't posted in almost a month. But I do have have a great excuse, I mean reason. Dan come home a little earlier than expected so I had to run around doing all those little things I promised him I would do. Ok, it was 2 things. 2 pretty little things. Anyway, he came home a week early but to a well painted picnic table and nicely coated rust spots on the car.

Since Dan has been home I've had to give up lounging on the couch while watching TV and eating bon bons (well, usually just potato chips.) and internet surfing. Instead, I've had to look incredibly busy. So far, I've managed to fool him for the last 2 weeks but things are gonna get a little harder - he doesn't go back to work until December 3rd - not sure how I can continue this for 4 more weeks! I know all the wives who just read this are sharing in my agony. I think he may have caught on to the fact that I keep refolding the same load of laundry over and over. Also, I am readjusting to the whole "a meal consists of more than a waffle" routine. Mind you he hasn't been eating at 5 star restaurants for the last 7 months so sloppy joes (from a can) really went over well. He was lucky enough to come home the week of my regular gourmet club meeting so he did get one supremely excellent Italian dish, lucky for him I was providing the main course and not the salad.

Dan has also had to do some readjusting since he has been home - mainly learning how to drive in a non-suicide bomber atmosphere. He has always been a very concientious driver but now he never signals (doesn't want anyone to know what he is planning on doing - not sure the OPP will agree with this tactic), races through yellow lights so he never has to sit in traffic (sitting still is very dangerous in Afghanistan, just annoying here) and veers over 3 lanes if he sees a white Toyota Corolla (seems this is the vehicle of choice for suicide bombers.) Luckily for the Ottawa public, his deployment readjustment papers say that it will only take about 6 months for him to be back to normal. Lucky for him he drives a B-I-G truck so people generally move out of his way.

I'm teaching tomorrow so I have to go iron a teacher outfit. He'll really know I'm trying to fool him then as I never iron!

Tempting the Gods!

2007-10-09T18:22:00.000-04:00

This past week I tempted the Gods - not once but twice. You know, like when you have a string of warm sunny days in April and you wash your kids' snowsuits...that is tempting the Gods. And you know what the Gods do when tempted? In this case, they make it snow!

I have a big anniversary coming up. No, not my wedding anniversary (but Dan, if you are reading this I think you missed ours....and you know what I do when that happens? Or when you do remember a special day with sub-par gifts like brooms, dustpans and tuna strainers? I go shopping!) The anniversary is the 1 year ownership of a fabulous set of dishes - 12 place settings at that. See, I belong to a gourmet club and I just didn't think I could serve up a gourmet meal on the circa 1995 dusty rose and Wedgwood blue plaid serving for 8. Actually, I think the only piece that still had a full set of 8 was the mugs as no one ever used those. So I could serve 7 for dinner but only 5 people could have dessert. I do have good china but so far that amounts to 3 place settings, 2 coffee mugs and a set of salt and pepper shakers - not really enough to set an elegant table for 6. So, when Mom and Dad were visiting this time last year I lamented about my place setting woes and they suggested buying a set of dishes as an early Christmas gift. Long story short - my cupboards soon filled to overflowing with a trendy, squarish set of dishes (note to self - dusty rose and Wedgwood blue plaid was also once a trend!) and my fellow gourmet club members knew nothing of the potential disaster for mis-matched place settings.

OK, if you have followed this far you are probably wondering when will the Gods be tempted. At the time I didn't even know I was tempting them. You know, sometimes these totally random thoughts pop into your head? I don't know about you but I get numerous unrequested thoughts - I think some people call it daydreaming (or psychosis? Wait, that's when someone else is having thoughts in my head!) but a thought just sounds so much more, um, intelligent???? Well, I was putting the brown sugar away in the pantry and all of a sudden this thought just came upon me, "Hmmm...I've had my new dishes for almost a year and I haven't broken one piece, not even a little chip." Crap! I tried to take the thought back. Unintentional tempting of the Gods shouldn't count! Anyway, I know you know where this is going. Not 24 hours later there are a gazillion little pieces of a trendy, once squarish plate on my floor. End of Tempting the Gods, part 1.

The second tempting is one that could result in life altering changes...I painted!

Ben Franklin said that the only sure things in life are death and taxes. Except if you are a military wife and then the third sure thing is that if you paint, even one little room in your current house, then you will surely be posted. We are quite happy here in Ottawa, the kids have great friends and go to a great school, I am just getting back into the workforce after cultivating a network of teachers and friends and Dan has a couple of hockey teams to play on. We have heard rumours that when Dan gets home from Afghanistan he will be moving to a new position downtown. This is good for us as it means a couple more years here. This is bad for Dan as he will join the brigade of the mass transit user (some for the environmental factor, Dan for the "I can't imagine paying 600 bucks a month to park 2.3 miles from my office" factor.) This is really bad for Dan as it puts a kink into his afternoon hockey league - hard to cart all that equipment on the bus! But all things being equal we (Dan) could suffer the bus route to stay here. So what do I do? I paint.

The Gods must have heard rumours about my plan to paint because I was at Home Depot just getting the paint mixed when the rumblings began - before the paint brush even touched the paint! I ran into a military friend and told him I was taking the plunge and painting Erin's room, figuring we'd be here for 2 more years. He gave me that look - you know the one - "are you on crack?" He had heard, just the day before, that Dan was being seconded to Kingston to work with QRTXBP. Now, QRTXBP is not a real military unit but since most of my readers (I think I've grown to 4 or 5 faithful readers - Hi Gary!) know next to nothing about the inner workings of DND, and I cannot keep any of the acronyms straight I thought that this would get the point across just as well.

So, Erin has a freshly painted room and now the only sure things in life are death, taxes and if you are a military wife and so much as think about painting a room expect a posting. Oh yeah, one other sure thing...If I am painting there is sure to be blobs of paint on my clothes, in my hair, on the bottoms of my feet, etc. At least this time I invested in a $4 sheet of plastic and avoided the blobs of paint all over the carpet.

A new dining experience - the buffet.

2007-09-29T21:48:00.000-04:00

Got a call from a friend yesterday. Her husband is away for a boy's football get away to NY and she was tired of cooking for herself and her two kids. First off, I'm not the one to commiserate with about a husband being away for a couple of nights. I'm probably going on night 180. Secondly, just how exhausting is it to whip up KD for 3 people? All that stirring and standing over the hot stove and all.

OK, in her defense, her husband does most of the cooking and since Dan has been away I have enjoyed quite a few of his home cooked meals so I didn't give her too hard of a time. I would like to get invited back again! Instead I supported her by agreeing to go out to dinner with her...and our combined total of 4 kids. Mind you, I did have some conditions - absolutely no McDonald's, Burger King, or any other place that serves a happy meal or has an indoor play park. Have you ever been in one of those restaurant play parks? They.are.very.very.GROSS! Signs in the play park area state that kids must have socks on to go in and some restaurants actually sell socks at the cash in case you are toting a sandal clad, and thus sockless, kid. I think they should provide some sort of disposable full body jump suit for the kids. Not that I've been climbing and sliding through the whole thing but I have had to make it up a level or two to rescue a kid in their younger days and have had to battle the slimy sludge that covers the entire play structure. And you just know that some kid has peed in there recently too! Thinking they may want to change their sock policy to a diaper policy.

Now, my kids have eaten out at restaurants a fair bit and generally order from the kid's menu but tonight was a brand new experience for them...Chinese buffet. It was great, if not really nutritious. For the low cost of $7 Erin managed to eat (and I am totally NOT exaggerating) 5 lemon squares, 3 helpings of Jello, a bowl of ice cream and one chicken ball. There were nibbles from all of the other desserts offered but I guess nothing compared to the lemon square. I think she has a thing for lemons - she also went back to the buffet at least three times to get lemon slices which she likes to suck on. Allie did try a few more of the buffet items but also really got her money's worth out of the dessert table. I gained about 5 pounds. Thankfully the restaurant was quite busy so no one was actually keeping track of the number of times I went back up to the trough - I mean - buffet. Oddly enough I did not have dessert at all. Strange - dessert and I usually have a love/hate relationship. I love to eat it and I hate what it does to my butt! I guess I took my cue from Erin and all her slightly nibbled cast-offs. If those cream puffs, wafer squares and almond cookies weren't good enough for her then my discerning palate would just avoid them too. That and the fact that my jeans (with stretch) were stretched to capacity.

6 Degrees of Facebook

2007-09-27T08:29:00.000-04:00

I have 35 friends.

I know this because I'm on Facebook.

And everyone knows that a Facebook friend is a real, true friend.

Currently I have two people requesting to be my friend - one is someone that I don't really want to be friends with (and hopefully she doesn't have the link to this blog!) and the other is...someone...and that's all I know. I checked her profile picture and she doesn't look familiar. Although those 1" x 1" profile pics don't show a lot of detail. I am pretty sure she is indeed a she. Come to think of it, the name is kind of gender neutral. I checked her on-line photo albums where the photos are much bigger and she has lovely pictures of a recent trip to Rome to see the Pope - not really something most of my friends are doing these days. Aha...a clue! She has signed onto my high school class of ?? (don't want to date myself too badly!) so surely I must know her as we were a class of about 200 and I seriously think that back in the day (you know the day I mean - before having kids fried my memory cells) I could put a name to every face. So putting on my super sleuthing Sherlock Holmes double billed hat, I do what every good modern day detective does - I ask my other Facebook Friends from the Class of ?? if they know who this Pope-visiting friend is. Neither of them have a clue, although one, in the quest to grow her friends list, has accepted her friendship.

That - the ever growing friends list - is a major competition. I think Facebook may be one of these "He who has the most friends wins" type of deals. Seriously, do you have 742 friends? I think the powers that be at Facebook should give serious consideration to renaming the "Friends" portion of the site. Perhaps "Casual Acquaintances" or "People I stalk from afar" or maybe even "People my cousin in Toronto knows" would be better names for this list.

Facebook, AKA Crackbook for its addictive nature, is a ton of fun though. I've connected with friends from elementary, junior and high school, university, previous jobs, shared hobbies, etc. What is really strange is the whole "6 degrees of separation" thing. I've found friends on other friends' friends' friends lists (confusing you yet? Could be my total lack of understanding of how to use an apostrophe in the plural possessive!) OK, with or without the apostrophe issue it is still confusing. I'll try to clear that up with a Wikipedia explanation - six degrees of separation refers to the idea that, if a person is one "step" away from each person he or she knows and two "steps" away from each person who is known by one of the people he or she knows, then everyone is no more than six "steps" away from each person on Earth. Clear as mud, right? Do you suppose Kevin Bacon is the creator of Facebook?

While I really enjoy searching out and being found by old friends (and mystery people) I pretty much curb my Facebooking ( a new word??) to a couple of special interest groups (like the Class of ??) but some of my other friends are tossing drinks, throwing books, growing gardens and poking each other - virtually, of course. I really draw the line at your pet wanting to be friends with my pet. First off, Cocoa's paws are too big for the keyboard and she gets really ticked when her messages come out all scrambled and secondly, I'm already sharing the computer with 2 Webkins-loving kids so I'm not letting a dog cut into my computer time too!

Blog this! Scrap WHAT???????

2007-09-17T10:42:00.000-04:00

OK, the name of my blog is "Blog this! Scrap that!" Essentially, I am trying to preserve memories by telling stories (that would be the Blog This part of the title) and scrapping (the Scrap This part) For the uninitiated, scrapping (or scrapbooking) is a gazillion dollar craft industry (which I, contrary to Dan's belief, DO NOT single handedly support) that requires picture takers to spend lots of money on fancy papers, ribbons, glues, embellishments, etc. to design pages with photos and journaling to preserve memories. So, part of my blog is supposed to be about this. Six posts in and I have yet to share any scrapping. That's because I seem to have, umm, not done any scrapping in a long time. when Dan left at the beginning of April I had visions of me scrapping every night after the kids went to bed - Didn't happen!

I am happy to report that that dark period in my life is over -my scrapping mojo is back!

Us scrappers like to get together and preserve our memories at events called crops. We generally say things like, "I'm going to a crop. Do you want to come and scrap with me?" Dan, in his unending wit and sarcasm, always asks when I get home from one of these crops if anyone got hurt - get it???? Scrap with me??? Yeah, I don't find it funny either but after 2761 crops he still asks me that every time.

Anyway, since hiring a babysitter for a day long crop would seriously dip into scrapbook supplies funds, I mean the grocery budget, I haven't been to a crop since March (Another post topic could be the exorbitant hourly fee my babysitter charges - you know, the one that is never available anyway)

Dan doesn't understand why I like to physically GO to crops. it takes me a week to decide what to pack up and 2 weeks to unpack it all when I come home again. And heaving those 50 pound tool boxes into the trunk is hard on the back. However, when one weighs the options - a day out of the house, with no kids calling "MOM!!!", no cooking (meals are provided - who cares if I do any scrapping at all!), etc. i am quite happy to pack, unpack, heave and lift.

I also hang out on-line at various scrapbooking sites where literally thousands of other scrapbooking addicted women (and 2 men) seek solace with their peers. Who else can sympathize about that lost photo opportunity? Or congratualte you on learning how to download a cowboy style font to your computer to make the perfect title for your western themed photos. This past weekend one of the sites held an on-line crop and women (no men - I guess they were busy this weekend) from coast to coast participated in scrapbooking challenges and games from the comfort of their own homes. If you can't get out to a crop this is the next best thing.

Anyway, now that I have actually scrapped I can share some Scrap This stuff with you - enjoy! I'll only share a few today just in case my mojo disapears again I'll have some back ups for those days when my sarcasm mojo is missing too!

Icons of Summer Challenge - use photos without people to convey something about your summer

AD challenge - based on a magazine ad

Supersize Challenge - use extra large elements

For Sale!

2007-09-10T22:49:00.000-04:00

No I'm not trying to get rid of the kids, the dog or even Dan's collection of size small T-shirts that he's had since junior high and that he thinks still fit. In fact, I'm not actually selling anything at all...but I am negotiable if you would like to rent the kids for a weekend.

However, it does seem that our neighbours are looking to sell. We live on a cul-de-sac with 8 other homes - 2 of which went up for private sale this past week. We like our home for many reasons - one being the quiet cul-de-sac. Quiet meaning absolutely no traffic. This does not mean quiet as in no screaming and yelling kids playing in the quiet (no traffic) cul-de-sac. Do you think it's a coincidence that the 2 houses up for sale are owned by, to say it PC, baby boomers?

So, it looks like we will be getting new neighbours. Would it be too much to ask for...

- kids (preferably girls) ages 6 and 8 and perhaps a 14 year old with no social life that would like to babysit on the odd chance Dan and I might go out on the same night, or even odder that we might go out on the same night - together.

- dog lovers that will be tolerant of a run away chocolate lab and what the run away chocolate lab leaves behind as she continues being a run away.

- a mom that likes to scrapbook instead of playing soccer. Most of the other neighbourhood moms like to sweat and run and chase balls around the field. I, on the other hand prefer the slower paced and less sweaty sport of scrapbooking.

- new homeowners who are as interested in gardening as I am. This means that they do their best to maintain the status quo but generally let the weeds creep in and the grass grow a little high.

- A SAHM who likes to visit back and forth, drink coffee and share household cleaning tips, recipes and neighbourhood secrets. Oh sorry, I forgot that my life isn't at all Leave-it-to-beaver-ish and I really don't like coffee (but a pina colada is always appreciated!) On second thought, I would just like a SAHM who wouldn't mind looking after my kids after school on the days I get called in to supply teach because I'm hoping I won't be much of a SAHM this year (I'm gonna be a SAHPTM - stay at home part time mom.)

What would be really great is if these houses were actually bought at their asking prices...and quickly. Being military and having the possibility of a posting every APS (that's annual posting season for all you civilians) we are always concerned with the real estate market. These houses are listed at 50K more than what we paid 2 years ago so it looks like the market is still moving up...and that is what we like - except the darn taxes seem to go up too! Of course these houses, owned by petless baby boomers, are probably pristine inside. I'm hoping all the paint chipped corners, dog gouged gyprock and nail-polished counter-tops won't cost us 50K! Maybe I should sell the kids, the dog and perhaps throw in the T-shirt collection as an added bonus to ensure that my home is in pristine condition when we need to sell.

Of course then I couldn't be SAHM or a SAHPTM and I'd be forced to get a full time job. I guess I'll keep the kids and the dog.

Anyone wanna buy a vintage T-shirt? I need to make up that 50K somewhere!

Socks - you thought they were just for feet!

2007-09-05T21:17:00.000-04:00

I knew there'd be trouble if I started a blog. I've had a lot of nice comments about my entries being funny, humorous, a delight to read, etc. How can I let you all down gently (yes...all 3 of you!) and let you know that after 4 entries I seem to have exhausted my sarcastic sense of humour. Sure, funny things happen here and there but I guess I've raised the bar a bit and a little blurb about one of the kids going to bed with socks on their hands just isn't going to cut it anymore.

So I could talk about the ...um...err...or the time when...

Well...I guess the sock story will have to suffice.

A little history... I've always hated soothers, pacifiers, sissies, and the politically incorrect but very popular in Newfoundland, dumb tit! I swore I would never have a 4 year old wearing a soother tied on a string around her neck. Instead, I had a week old, screaming baby. Desperate for a reprieve, I threw all the neatly boxed baby gifts out of the closet in search of a soother that I remembered had been given to us as part of a shower gift. I stuck it in Allie's mouth and there it pretty much stayed for 2 and a 1/2 years (except for every morning at about 2 am when it would need to be popped back in, or when we were at the mall and it would fall onto the floor a dozen times requiring me to lick off all the crud before popping it back in her mouth - we soon got smart and bought one of those clip on straps and I no longer had to lick mall crud!) By 2 and a 1/2 I was ready to separate Allie from her most prized possession. One by one all of her soosies got lost - all 5 of them (new parents take note - any item that your child treasures, get at least 2 of them - shelling out the extra dough will save you hours of grief and lost sleep when you child loses Binky or Poppy or whatever the treasured possession's name is.) Even at 4, if we went to the Co-Op she would comment that this is where "Pink soosie" got lost, or how "Baby soosie" met its demise at the mall. Do you suppose she'll need some psychological counselling later on?

So, no...it isn't Allie who has gone to bed with socks on her hands

Erin, 6, sucks her thumb. When she was weeks old and the thumb first found it's way into her mouth it was just sooooooo cute. Unlike her big sister, Erin would go to bed at night and sleep 12 hours. We loved that thumb! Can I just say that again? We LOVED that thumb! Now that we are looking at major orthodontic work the cute factor has worn off and we are long past the night time wakings of babies and toddlers. The Children's Aid people kind of frown on thumb amputation as a solution to thumb sucking so we've resorted to bribery. If she is successful in keeping her thumb out of her mouth there will be a new Webkin's animal taking up residence in our house. I know, I know - bribery is not a really good solution. But the Webkin only costs $14 while orthodontics is...well, just slightly more! And besides when I bribed her with a Littlest Pet Shop toy if she would get in the pool for swimming lessons it worked. The first lesson she wouldn't even put her toe in the water and after the bribe you would swear her mother was a mermaid (and no, I don't have a seashell bra!)

During the day she has been kept pretty busy so I'm not sure if she even thinks about putting her thumb in. Besides, her older sister (pretending to be helpful but really just tattling) lets it be known as soon as that thumb starts heading north. Nighttime of course is a different story. It's kind of a conditioned response - eyes close and thumb goes in. Hence the socks. First we just put the sock on her left hand where her thumb of choice has been known to blister from so much sucking. She has become less discriminatory and now will suck her right thumb too so she now has socks on both hands. I know there is bitter tasting nail polish that can help keep fingers out of mouths but being a nail biter and reformed finger sucker myself, I can say with certainty that you can get used to the taste after a while. I know, some of you are going to run right out to buy it and see just how long it takes to develop a taste for this stuff, but trust me on this one!

So, the socks are working out. At least she isn't sucking at night. However, I do find the sock method somewhat lacking in its ability to aid in the reversal of orthodontic issues. Looks like those teeth will likely need some big-bucks braces after all.

Anyone interested in investing in my new product? I'm thinking a cute name like "Thumb-B-Gone", thumb covers (aka socks) in a variety of colours and prints to match any pyjamas or bedroom decor. We currently use packing tape to hold the sock on but the new design will use velcro. Of course I'd sell them in pairs for those kids that couldn't care less what thumb or finger was in their mouths. And all for the very reasonable price of $9.99. After all you wouldn't want to put just a regular sock on your child's hand, would you? At that price I should be able to cover orthodontics and university tuition. Of course Dan once thought he was going to make a mint on something he invented...until he went to Zellers and bought the item in question for $4. And don't tell me that people won't pay $10 for a pair of socks. Sure they will - you can sell anything on a TV infomercial. People buy things like the clapper, Ginsu knives that can cut through tin cans (cuz I know I quite often have the need to cut through tin cans), and the ever popular pocket fisherman - the fishing rod that folds up to fit in your pocket - just in case you feel the need to go fishing on your lunch hour (I've always wondered though, just where do they keep the bait?)

Sorry for the delay in posting this blog entry. But I thought I would report in after our dentist appointment yesterday. Seems everyone is brushing well and our non-existent flossing routine has not caused any damage - yet. Erin told the hygienist that she brushes 3 times a day - that would occur only under great duress or after the consumption of massive quantities of gummie worms. The dentist seemed pleased with our sock on the hand method but I could see that glint in his eye and just know that he was rushing home to patent my idea - like he needs more money after what I shelled out yesterday! So, Erin is doing well and we hope that her new front teeth (she has one lost and the other dangling) will come in at a better angle.

Allie on the other hand has an issue - she has an improper tongue thrust. Ever hear of that? I'm not so sure it isn't a conspiracy between the dentist and the orthodontist. Essentially, when she swallows, her tongue pushes out against her teeth instead of pushing up against the roof of her mouth, resulting in her front teeth being pushed out. If she corrects the thrust it will definitely help, although I'm pretty sure 98% of kids are wearing braces now anyway (see the afore mentioned conspiracy.) Furthermore, if this thrust is not corrected, and she does wear braces, once the braces are removed her tongue thrust will just displace the teeth again. So, option one is tongue amputation but again, this method lost its appeal back in the 60s - you know, that whole human rights issue, free speech, etc. I thought about redesigning the thumb covers into a tongue cover, but really, how would you like to have a sock wadded into your mouth all night? The dentist suggests chewing gum (sugarless, of course) and flattening it out on the roof of your mouth to train your tongue to stay up there. The other option is to let her use a soother to retrain her tongue - No, not really, I'm just joking but wouldn't that be too ironic?

So now, not only do I have to re-invent socks into thumb-sucker eliminators but I also have to re-invent gum into tongue thrust repositioners - a mother's work is never done!

Mothers of the world unite!

2007-09-03T17:51:00.000-04:00

It's here! It's here! School starts today!

Every mother is heaving a sigh of relief. Well, OK, maybe not all mothers. Those mothers that are sending their firstborns on that big, scary school bus with the big, scary 6th graders are sobbing uncontrollably as they attempt to follow the school bus on its winding path of starts and stops on the way to school. And you know what...even those big, scary Dads might be wiping away a tear or two. One of our neighbours admits to hiding in the bushes to see his son get off the bus at school undetected.

I admit it - I also followed the school bus on Allie's first day of school - what seems like years and years ago. She excitedly hopped on the bus not caring about the strange, bearded man driving the bus. I'm sure he had a clean police check, an excellent driving record, and probably knew how to get to the school after driving the route for years but I was taking no chances. After all I'd just shelled out big bucks on the Barbie back-pack with matching lunch bag and spent many long hours (OK, really just a few minutes) labelling all those pencils, crayons and blunt-tipped scissors that can't cut a thing. I wanted to make sure my investments were safe. Luckily Allie, her back pack and all the accessories made it to school safely and I only needed one box of kleenex to wipe up my tears.

I also followed the school bus on the 2nd day of school.

After day one was such a success I trusted the bus driver (still the strange, bearded man) to get my daughter to school. Plus, with all the other mom's following the bus, the school parking lot was just a mad house! No, the reason I followed the bus was in case Allie threw up. Did I send my kid to school with a stomach virus? No! Was she nervous about school? No! My daughter simply was expressing her opinion that getting up early in the morning every once in a while was OK but expecting her to get up and catch a bus for 7:25 EVERY weekday morning was ridiculous - and I, not being a morning person, was in agreement - but the school board was expecting us to either A) send her to school or B) home school her. Although I am a SAHM and a teacher in my other life this wasn't an option. The kid would be so confused - am I in detention or is this a time-out? Why is Mommy watching Oprah during school time? My policy is to keep your job and home-life well separated. The two don't mix. Ideally, I would win the lottery and my home life would be forever separated from the job market.

So, since she did indeed have to attend school, Dan and I struggled to get her dressed. I think she may have a direct bloodline to Houdini. As fast as we put a piece of clothing on she was out of it. Finally, she had clothes on and I literally dragged her down our 2.5 mile long driveway. OK, it's really not quite that long but you just try dragging a kicking, screaming 5 year old anywhere and you'll know what I mean.

Allie is still screaming and crying when the bus pulls up...

Strange, bearded driver: Put her on.

Me: Are you sure?

SBD: Yup.

Me: Will she be all right?

SBD: Lady, if you give in to her today and drive her to school later you'll end up doing that all year.

So, I put her on the bus sobbing and retching. I race to get in the car to follow the bus. Yesterday's tears were nothing compared to the sobbing of today. How could I cause such anguish to a small child? How could I go through this ordeal again tomorrow? How could afford all the kleenex, not to mention the gas? Maybe I should home school her? Then again, maybe not! Every time the bus flashed those red lights I was sure my vomit-covered child (and possibly the kids sitting within projectile-vomiting distance) would be coming off the bus. At last we reach the school and lo and behold, off the bus she comes - happy and smiling and ready for school.

Who knew bus drivers were so full of wisdom?

So, that was waaaaay back in 2004 - times they are a changin' - I won't be following anyone to school. Admittedly, since we moved I can see the school from my bedroom window so I could get the binoculars out but the neighbours across the street might report me. This year I'll drop the kids off at the bus stop and the dog and I will enjoy a leisurely stroll unhindered by children whining that we are walking too far, too fast, in the wrong direction, or, God forbid, it's too hot, cold, wet (make your choice according to the season.)

You know what I'm going to do then?

I'm going to go shopping. Now that all the rugrats are back in school us moms can take back our malls, our grocery stores, and, for those of us that pretend we can do anything, our hardware stores. No longer will we have to deal with run away carts driven by 6 year olds. We can try on bras to our hearts' content without small children in the dressing room (hopefully they are our own small children!) commenting on size (or lack there of - so NOT my problem!) We can even make it home without random items, like Depends, the expensive cereals with the "just gotta have them" prizes, or liverwurst ending up in our grocery bags.

Mothers of the world unite! Credit card companies get ready!

Disclaimer - Dan, if you are reading this please note that the above blog entry is a figment of your imagination. There will be NO shopping, I repeat...NO SHOPPING!

I am happy to report that the pictures below show my happy smiling children just minutes before boarding the bus this morning (one of them is under orders to act happy and smiley!) I am also happy to report that there were no parental tears at the bus stop. Of course, we are all seasoned parents, happy to see our children progress along the academic timeline, learning new skills and making new friends. So happy in fact that we are celebrating our children's' progress -shopping, golfing, enjoying bon bons and watching talk shows - I'm sure we each have our own way of showing how happy we are that the kids are back in school...

Erin, 6, grade 1

Allie, 8, grade 3

Sleep overs? Is anyone actually sleeping?

2007-09-02T13:18:00.000-04:00

Quite possibly the biggest misnomer in the english language.

How can a giggling bunch of girls possibly sleep at a sleep over? OK, really, I know they do actually sleep...a bit...a really little bit...maybe 2 or 3 hours. I don't think it was always like this. I can remember as a kid sleeping over at friends' homes and sure we did giggle and act silly and stuff but I'm also sure we were asleep before 11 and I can't imagine that we were up at the crack of dawn. I never, if I could possibly help it, have seen the need to be waking up at the crack of dawn.

Listen! Can you hear it? At my house this is called the calm before the storm. Both girls spent the night at Olivia's house. They aren't home yet. This is the quiet part. Their arrival home will precipitate the STORM. Tired, cranky, mean to their sister (OK, meaner than normal to their sister.)

I don't like sleep overs much. I especially don't like sleep overs much when they take place in my home. Not only do I have to deal with the tired, cranky, mean children the day after BUT I also have to stay up until the giggly, silly, won't shut their eyes kids go to sleep and I have to wake up when the tired but not quite yet cranky and mean (this state manifests as soon as the sleep over is over) children wake up. This lack of sleep also makes the Mom tired, cranky and meaner to her daughters - and if the husband was not away making peace in a foreign land he would surely feel the wrath as well because while the giggly, silly kids were awake he was at the neighbours enjoying a beer and when the tired and soon to be cranky, mean kids got up he would surely manage to be oblivious to this fact and continue snoring.

For the last number of years I have gone on at least one weekend sleep over a year with a group of giggling, silly, scrapbooking women. While I don't care much for kids sleepovers, frustrated mom sleepovers are great! Do we sleep? Not much. Do we have fun? You bet! Are we tired, cranky and mean? Not to each other but spouses and children should tread softly around us once we get home. Laughing into the wee hours (it is all right to GO TO BED at the crack of dawn!) , stuffing ourselves on chocolate treats, sharing memories with good friends - THIS is why I let my kids go on sleep overs!

ENTIRELY too many toys!

2007-08-30T00:10:00.000-04:00

From the Mattel website...

Polly Pocket!™ "Affected fashions and other accessories have magnets that are visible from the backside of the part, appearing as a small silver button. Unaffected fashion pieces will have a white coating over the magnets as shown below. The accessories which came with these fashions are also unaffected. These magnets may have a clear or colored coating or cover. Using the images and product numbers below, determine if you own any of these products. All are affected by this recall. Please fill out the last two pages of this pamphlet and, using the prepaid mailing label, return affected product(s) for a voucher. Please return the entirety of each affected product, including all accessory pieces."

Let me just highlight that last line -Please return the ENTIRETY of each affected product, including ALL accessory pieces.

OK...I have 2 daughters and roughly 57,387,541 Polly Pocket pieces. Anyone who has ever seen a Polly Pocket shoe or the ever elusive knotted neck scarf will know that once the plastic case is opened you can NEVER, EVER find all the accessory pieces! Of course that is if you can even get the plastic case opened in the first place but that could be a blog topic for another day. I went away one weekend shortly after the PP craze hit our house. When I came home the girls told me that Daddy had let them play ON THE DECK (you know the pieces of wood nailed together with quarter of an inch gaps??????) In his defense he said, "Well, I put all the pieces on a blanket." Bye bye accessories!

With the 57 million or so pieces we have managed to keep I don't even concern myself with the occasional piece that makes its way into the vacuum anymore. I just figure all the spiders I suck up with it are now fashionably attired in rubber clothes. As an aside, have you seen the PP clothes that are actually SEWN PIECES OF MATERIAL? I can't even hem a pair of pants and people are sewing clothing that is measured in millimeters. No recall on those, though - yet!

Now, we also just recently received the recalled Pooping Barbie dog. What a brilliant toy idea! The poop has been found in my Mom's washing machine, in the car and in nearly every room in our home. Do ya think I have all that poop accounted for??????? I guess I should be thankful that my girls are old enough to know not to swallow magnets or lick their toys but who knows when a magnet or two could fly into your mouth during a pooper scooper mishap with Barbie! My next biggest fear is a reacall of Littlest Pet Shop animals. We've had a bunch of those magnets fall out already and again with a billion or so accessories (give or take a few thousand) I have little hope in returning those IN THEIR ENTIRETY either.

Do you suppose these latest recalls will someday make the "Top 10 Most Dangerous Toys list" Check out this link to see if you have or had any of these "winners" - and what family didn't have a set of those fun but deadly lawn darts? I speak the truth when I share that a high school classmate lost an eye to a lawn dart. And a friend's neice was recently hospitalized with a serious skull fracture caused by a horseshoe. Of course both of these incidents involved siblings so one will never know if they were indeed accidents or not!

http://www.radarmagazine.com/features/2006/12/toys.php

EDITED TO ADD: I changed the font size from normal to large - seems the optometrist was right when he suggested this might be my last pair of single vision lenses!

They drive me crazy!

2007-08-29T23:25:00.000-04:00

Although they do at times drive me really crazy "I" would never be crazy enough to let them drive a lawn tractor, at least not until they had gone through driver's ed. Geez...growing up I wasn't even allowed to touch our push mower, or the axe for that matter, right Dad?

Anyway, Dan let Allie drive and she was pretty cautious. She only tried to tip Erin out a few times (just joking!) She'll probably be a better driver than me in no time (no comments from the sidelines, please!) I still don't have this whole ride-on thing down yet, especially with regards to a flight plan (AKA how to mow the entire lawn without going over the same area 14 times trying to get to another area.)

So, this lawn tractor is mine, ALL MINE. I have always been the chief lawn mower and generally, when it isn't 48 degrees, I dont mind mowing. "Exercise with a purpose' is how I rationalize it. This spring was a stellar grass growing season and at 3 hours for each complete push mowing of the lawn I was getting tired. So, I had my neighbour check out this tractor for sale and he told me what I should pay, brought it home, did some maintenance and gave me my lawn tractor 101 lesson. Dan knew this was in the works but left all the details up to me. Of course while he was home on leave he did get to use it. After I mowed he suggested he could "help me out" by hooking up the trailer to pick up the clippings. Sure Dan...I can see right through your helpful suggestion. He just wanted to get on that thing and ride it! That's all right though as I needed him to cut the slopes on the side anyway - I'm too scared I'll tip!