Domestic Goddess? Not SEW much!

I don't sew...at all. Just ask my kids. If a seam is ripped, the arm is torn off a stuffed animal (blame Cocoa), or a Brownie badge needs attaching they know to go ask their father. Well, actually that isn't totally true. I usually "sew" the Brownie badges on with that magical iron on tape. I also use it for hems, small tears, etc. No one looks at my hems close enough to know if it is real sewing or not.

I really hate ironing too but that is another post. Suffice it to say that Dan knows when I get the iron out it really means I'm "sewing."

I remember as a kid watching what must have been (after the ever so popular pocket fisherman and K-tel records) one of the first ever infomercials that touted this miracle powder that could fix any multitude of clothing disasters. Got moth holes in a favorite sweater? Cigarette burn in a pair of jeans? Small shark tore a chunk out of your bathing suit (and a couple of appendages?) All you had to do to miraculously fix these problems is clip a few hidden fibres from the torn/ripped/moth or shark eaten material, mix it with this miracle powder, press the resulting fibrous ball into the trouble spot and iron. Voila - my kind of sewing! Haven't seen this around in, ohhhhhh -let me not date myself too badly, the last 30 years. Not sure why it didn't take the sewing world by storm. Perhaps the miracle powder was made of asbestos.

I took sewing in Family Living and made 3 projects - a football pillow (not sure why as we got to pick our projects and I certainly wasn't a football fan - must have been rated as easy), a pair of shorts that I have no memory of ever wearing and the ever so hot and stylin' burgundy cordoroy jumper that could have passed for a maternity dress. Even if I had followed the pattern correctly and sewn it properly it still would have been closer to a maternity dress than anything a grade 12 girl would wear - even if it was the 80s! My generation was more into ripping sweatshirts a la Flashdance than sewing anything.

All this to say that I try to avoid sewing at all costs.

Except I have this little secret.

But you have to promise not to tell Dan (and I'm pretty sure he doesn't read this blog because I make fun of him a lot on here and he's never shown any sign of retribution being embarrassed about it.

Here it is...


*
*
*
*

I sometimes sew on my scrapbook layouts.

Not just with a regular needle and thread either. I sometimes get out the actual sewing machine and put the pedal to the metal and zoom that little needle all over my page. Dan would shoot me if he ever found out. Not because sewing through layers of paper might hurt the sewing machine or break a needle but simply because "I don't sew!" Frankly, I think the thought that I might ruin an 80 cent piece of paper is a lot less intimidating to me then the thought of ruining $10 worth of material or the thought of spending 37 minutes seam ripping something that took me 1.6 seconds to sew (hence the need to rip it out - I don't think sewing machines are supposed to go 50km an hour.)

Now that my dirty little secret is out I'm going to share a couple of examples of my fine handiwork with you just to prove that I can, indeed, sew. This first is a fine example of hand sewing. Take note of the precise angles and the eveness of the stitch length - near perfection!

This second layout is a testament to my machine stitching. Notice the wildly random linear paths and overlaying stitches- totally planned this way. I said i could sew but I certainly didn't say I could sew in a straight line. This planned chaos method works for me. All mistakes are intentional and of course it all adds to the homemade look ;c)

We now return you to the regularly scheduled program.

People have been asking me when my next blog post would appear. Well, to tell the truth, using the term "people" would imply that more than one person is interested in a new post and that may or may not be the case. My father (Hi Dad!) seems to enjoy reading my "rants" as he calls them. Does it count as being "people" when he then prints it off for my mother (Hi Mom!) Does it count if said "people" are related to you? I do have a stat counter to show where my blog hits come from and for some strange reason - this is the honest truth - the RCMP checks out my blog. Surely the RCMP counts as "people" but then they aren't really clamoring for me to create more posts. Also, I have a real RCMP friend and he assures me that the RCMP, while they do indeed check blogs, do not use "RCMP" in their e-mail addresses.


I admit that I have a regular blog routine where I click through a list of faves to see what is happening in various photography, scrapbooking, recipe and mom blogs. Sometimes I even switch up the routine and start at the bottom of the list. Can you believe that some people have the nerve to not have new posts up when I go to visit their blogs? How annoying is that? I have a friend who adopted a baby in Asia and she faithfully blogged almost every day about their trip there to get him and then left me hanging high and dry with a blog post entitled "Trip to Mui Ne" where they frolic at a beach resort with the new baby. No follow up posts like "We've arrived home safe and sound (Not to mention absolutely exhausted.)" No "4 am feedings really suck!" Of course this is a friend IRL (in real life, Mom and Dad) so I could call her but that would defeat the point of having her on my blog list.



Truth be told, I like to write. I get lots of good (?? OK, using this term liberally) ideas. I sit in front of my computer for hours on end anyways. Not so sure why I can't get the proverbial pen to the proverbial paper on a more regular basis. Could be that my life is busy (just forget about that part above were I mentioned sitting in front of my computer for hours on end.) Probably not a good excuse - 2 of the blogs I am faithful to are written by a mom of 6 and a mom of pre-school triplets - I'm sure they would both love to be just "busy" instead of on full speed ahead turbo boost 24/7.



So, I've decided I'm going to try and resurrect this blog. I'm hoping to post on a more regular basis. My track record of one post every few months means I can post just once a month and that would be more regular but I'm going to aim real high and "GASP" try for a weekly post.

See you next week...

What not to wear...I'm obviously wearing it!

The girls and I enjoy all the fashion makeover shows on TV - especially "What Not to Wear." What's that you say? You're not familiar with that show. In the ever so tactful words of my nine year old, "It's when people who dress like Mom win $5000 so they can go shopping and get clothes that look good."

Today we were watching a rerun were three women vie to be the worst dressed teacher in whatever state it was they were filming in. Allie, my afore mentioned tactful 9 year old, says to me, "Does WNTW ever come to Canada?" and I tell her that I've never seen them do a Canadian show but perhaps they might someday. "Good!" says the tactful child, "Cuz then you could apply to be on the worst dressed teachers in Ontario show."



Yeah...I'll do that.



I've never been a real fashionista. Well there was that time that I wore stirrup pants. And Peter Pan Get Away boots (what kind of name is that?) And I did the whole neon craze. Can't forget granny boots. WOW! Now that I've listed all these great fashion statements I made - maybe I was a fashionista after all? Of course, the most recent of these fashion trends became a fashion faux pas by the late 80s so I guess the last 20 years have seen me go from fashionista to fashionless.

I remember the first piece of clothing that I just had to have. It was the summer between grade 6 and grade 7 and the Sears catalogue had recently arrived. There, in the teen girls' section, was my heart's desire - a fake (is polyester fake???? Surely it is real polyester?) sheep skin vest. It was like the hottest thing ever (literally, too!) and Mom and Dad must have also thought so because I was soon sporting this fashion faux pas trend on my way to Junior High.

Lucky for me (and you lucky readers too) this vest is forever memorialized in my grade 7 school photo. Here I am wearing it with a lovely plaid cowboy shirt with pearlized buttons. Fashion perfection at its best. Perhaps next post we will discuss why I have a boy's haircut - can't cover all my beauty and fashion mistakes in one post. Better yet, maybe I'll just do a retrospective of all my school photos - they should cover most of the fashion trends and beauty don'ts of a couple of decades!