Domestic Goddess? Not SEW much!

I don't sew...at all. Just ask my kids. If a seam is ripped, the arm is torn off a stuffed animal (blame Cocoa), or a Brownie badge needs attaching they know to go ask their father. Well, actually that isn't totally true. I usually "sew" the Brownie badges on with that magical iron on tape. I also use it for hems, small tears, etc. No one looks at my hems close enough to know if it is real sewing or not.

I really hate ironing too but that is another post. Suffice it to say that Dan knows when I get the iron out it really means I'm "sewing."

I remember as a kid watching what must have been (after the ever so popular pocket fisherman and K-tel records) one of the first ever infomercials that touted this miracle powder that could fix any multitude of clothing disasters. Got moth holes in a favorite sweater? Cigarette burn in a pair of jeans? Small shark tore a chunk out of your bathing suit (and a couple of appendages?) All you had to do to miraculously fix these problems is clip a few hidden fibres from the torn/ripped/moth or shark eaten material, mix it with this miracle powder, press the resulting fibrous ball into the trouble spot and iron. Voila - my kind of sewing! Haven't seen this around in, ohhhhhh -let me not date myself too badly, the last 30 years. Not sure why it didn't take the sewing world by storm. Perhaps the miracle powder was made of asbestos.

I took sewing in Family Living and made 3 projects - a football pillow (not sure why as we got to pick our projects and I certainly wasn't a football fan - must have been rated as easy), a pair of shorts that I have no memory of ever wearing and the ever so hot and stylin' burgundy cordoroy jumper that could have passed for a maternity dress. Even if I had followed the pattern correctly and sewn it properly it still would have been closer to a maternity dress than anything a grade 12 girl would wear - even if it was the 80s! My generation was more into ripping sweatshirts a la Flashdance than sewing anything.

All this to say that I try to avoid sewing at all costs.

Except I have this little secret.

But you have to promise not to tell Dan (and I'm pretty sure he doesn't read this blog because I make fun of him a lot on here and he's never shown any sign of retribution being embarrassed about it.

Here it is...


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I sometimes sew on my scrapbook layouts.

Not just with a regular needle and thread either. I sometimes get out the actual sewing machine and put the pedal to the metal and zoom that little needle all over my page. Dan would shoot me if he ever found out. Not because sewing through layers of paper might hurt the sewing machine or break a needle but simply because "I don't sew!" Frankly, I think the thought that I might ruin an 80 cent piece of paper is a lot less intimidating to me then the thought of ruining $10 worth of material or the thought of spending 37 minutes seam ripping something that took me 1.6 seconds to sew (hence the need to rip it out - I don't think sewing machines are supposed to go 50km an hour.)

Now that my dirty little secret is out I'm going to share a couple of examples of my fine handiwork with you just to prove that I can, indeed, sew. This first is a fine example of hand sewing. Take note of the precise angles and the eveness of the stitch length - near perfection!

This second layout is a testament to my machine stitching. Notice the wildly random linear paths and overlaying stitches- totally planned this way. I said i could sew but I certainly didn't say I could sew in a straight line. This planned chaos method works for me. All mistakes are intentional and of course it all adds to the homemade look ;c)